My dad

Is gone...I am not sure how I am supposed to feel..
I am not sure what or how I feel.....
I feel something....is it sad I am not sure....its certainly not glad...yet I am glad.
Glad he suffers no more...

MY dad was known to be someone that was kinda grumpy never felt well and didn't like to socialize...however nearly all the photos found of him showed him either quite content or partying it up..interesting...

He was a man that worried about money...he grew up in the thirties.....he knew what it was like to have nothing.....and he wanted his family to have things......he worked two jobs for a long time....stuck money away....but the best investment he made was buying a house....it really paid off for him.....and mom will be look after due to that..........You would find him calculator in hand ...bank book on table pencil in pocket figuring out all the details of that months banking.....he was quite nervous when I took over their finances until I presented him with the five bank statements I reconcile every month at work...he felt ok about it then..... All those transactions??he said in wonder...I was proud to help him with something he took great pride in all his life...Making money saving money tracking money and being thrifty spending money.....wonder if that is why I do books for a living...?
When he asked how much to live at Mulberry and I told him $3200.00 he almost fainted.....sad thing (or good thing) was his dementia didn't retain that and I think mom told him it was $650 and he quite proudly told visitors how they had a bus all their meals house cleaning etc for $650...Poor dad.....
It was necessary though....mom loved Mulberry..

Dad also was always there if his kids needed money ..Bailing one or the other out of financial woes....
He kept track for the most part and NEVER charged interest..

He loved kids he love animals and he loved his family...he loved growing up on the farm..

He loved his wife my mom....to the end they kissed and hugged and told each other they loved each other.....mom sang to him as he passed..............

It is sad he didn't travel more...he could go anywhere in Canada on CN rail...for free or reduced rate....mom regrets they didn't go more...dad was ok with it... I think its sad ...but maybe he was ok with it ...his life...his choices.

He loved Sammy...so much asked for her everyday...asked if she was happy and safe from Uncle Herbs dogs...Uncle Herb long since passed...but that's where he knew she was.....she was actually safe and sound at her new home with the Whitneys..

After dad was diagnosed with cancer (7 or 8 years ago) he didn't do much... gladly he didn't suffer .....he didn't get out of bed much the last few years....he had no quality of life....He told me once he wished he wouldn't have to suffer like he watched his brothers that died with cancer did. I had told him I hoped not too...he didn't suffer for most of those years until......at the end he did suffer...He suffered a lot...the cancer that started in his kidney had spread into his right arm....it wouldn't heal after a fall and the cancer was the reason for that...It hurt the shoulder the elbow....He would ask Kim to please prop it up she did for the three days it hurt the most......she put pillows or a blanket or anything that took it to the right height....to stop the pain from being so severe....

Then he died..
all that was ended...all that was real for him ended....over......no more ...

For me it was his pain that ended......that was enough to make me strong....
I have the memories they are still here .......with me...........
I have the pictures.....the ability to balance books......and I love animals and I care for my family ...I am not so thrifty with my money....................but dad knew that....
I have pieces of my dad ......right here ..in my heart.............in my mind ................in my soul..............

Good Bye Dad.

Love You Sheila

Yes I will take care of mom.....and Sammy
Thank You for everything......and more...