Interesting or I just think too much??

I found it interesting to lose someone I absolutely cannot imagine being in my world without. Jack was one of a kind and really it is going to be tough for me/us to live without him....life goes on....his passing just leaves this huge unappealing dark empty spot in my future!

 I noticed how interesting it was Jack passed Sunday...Sunday I lived life as I chose...I laid in bed with my puppies ..I wanted a mellow day ...watched a few movies and rested my aching neck. Monday I got up for work...the usual feed the dogs take my herbs and decide whats for supper. Lights out doors locked and off to work with Tom. Kim had MRI in Regina and other than that uneventful day. Tuesday we did the same routine . On the way into Moose Jaw we sang to a few good old songs on the radio and mentioned how the station was a good one for the good old songs we new the words to.  Work was hectic.Something unexpected I had to use all my "lawyer" skills to fight a dispute with one of our clients that was causing us a tremendous amount of grief it was all consuming for me...although I caught myself several times getting tenses and stopped myself and then slowing down my mind and body I proceeded  to gather the information and create the best defence without making a mess of myself which I have been really good at doing in the past! Off for a wonderful lunch at DeJa Vu one of the best meals we had lately . Back to the job at hand and I got through it and do hope to win .  Felt very confident..but it had taken me away from all the other jobs I had lined up for the day..so I headed back to my own office ...when ...my usually stoic husband came through the door.........sobbing..and collapsing into the chair. I knew something absolutely awful had happened....My thoughts went to parents or siblings I could only guess what on earth was wrong.. He struggled to tell me and when those two words came out of his mouth...............Jack died..I ..cant explain what happened ...
I just tried to explain.......and I can't.
  Tom on our pond up north.

After absorbing it and thinking many things and realizing it was true driving home it hit me...........I had found out 48 hours after he passed. I wasn't mad for no one telling me ,please don't think that ...it was the fact that for 48 hours I had lived my life like nothing had happened..48 hours my world had changed drastically and I ...well I hadn't noticed...I hadn't noticed that the person we had called friend for over 25 years wasn't feeding his cows or pigs.....wasn't petting his dog or peeling his orange to sit down and eat it with a glass of milk before bed.....I ........hadn't noticed......I hadn't noticed that that old recliner he sank down into sat empty for 2 nights or that his bed wasn't slept in.....or that it was Len his brother putting the logs on the fire those nights.....I hadn't noticed that he hadn't taken a breath .
I had lost someone that new me better than many others I have called my friend ...those spring nights when the boys would go hunting and I would head on over to catch Jack doing his chores. I would follow him around in those early years and we would talk about things, many things.....we would talk about gardening..or who drove the old car last that was parked in the corner of the farm yard...rusted and full of  many items Jack couldn't part with. He would introduce the most recent born calf to me and tell me which one he had bottle fed the year before and as he introduced us the yearling would come and nuzzle him lifting his hand for a pet...or perhaps still looking for that calfing bottle Jack used to offer him.  a trip into the old barn and feed the one kitten on the ledge who Jack went out of his way to feed because the other cats picked on him and then there was the little orange one that had a bad eye that would need to be picked up out of the way of the others so he would get his share too... There were the injured cows most people would butcher ...not Jack he separated them and fed them and cared for them individually until they were well enough to rejoin the herd...We gathered the eggs ...Jacks yard wasn't the most tidy..we would find eggs under edges of old tires ...in amongst a pile of tools, even in an old boot that was torn apart and discarded   he knew where to look but me it was like easter every time we gathered....Then into the chicken coop he would have just rigged up for this years new chicks.... he always got them just toward the end of bear hunting season ....  if I was lucky and came up on the right weekend I would get to see them...chickens and turkeys....I spent hours and hours with him ... we talked and we walked and the dogs walked with us .. the dogs he had tamed to not chase his pets...the many Whitetail deer that lived on his land...we did all the things friends would do....for many years on our trips to the farm....
and for 48 hours it had all changed ...and I didn't notice.......

I think I think too much....