Wednesday 24 October 2012
JUST CATS???
OH how I despise those four words especially when they are directed at me in reference to my Cats.
My cats are maybe "Just Cats" . They are well known for their hunting ability , and leaving evidence with adoration on my doorstep. Yes nothing as wonderful to step out into than some mouse or bird innerds....Yes the cats. They also sleep in the lawn chairs (well ofcourse I put blankets on them for the little darlings). They run under the cars with me shreeking STOP. Sneak in the house when ever they get the chance. They can scare up a flock of Prairie Chickens and put fear in their souls with no hesitation. They stalk their prey as well as their friends the dogs...crouching "invisibly" in the grass as we hike along...only to be greeted with a lick from Piper,,,or growl and nudge from Ellie. Cats yes "Just Cats"....they arent dirty as most claim....my cats are very clean. They arent stupid at all I have trained them to do many tricks.....well a few....but the thing I admire most is their complete love of .....food at 5 pm...Yes look out it is a mad dash to the food shelf with the food God approaching can of wet food in hand .....and yes they like a little pet as they eat...and they purr in gratititude...
It is the time of year where I become concerned for the "Just Cats". It is getting cold and the wind really can be cold...OH they will say for goodness sake they are Just Cats...throw out a cardboard box with a blanket and a big bowl of dry food they will be fine after all they are JUST CATS..
Well my cats have a two level insulated condo . They have more straw and blankets to cuddle up in not to mention the outdoor light we installed inside last year for warmth, oh did I mention the electric pet pad in the lower level. The igloo is the winter feeding station....with a heated water bowl and a large feeder full of dry food(unless the racoons visit and clean us out) I do my best to make life as comfortable as possible for the cats. THE heating pad only goes on at 25 below the light at 15 below.
It seems to be working ...
You see my cats might be JUST CATS but I am one cat lady that loves her cats and that is JUST That!!
Tuesday 12 June 2012
This past May long weekend was one of the hardest I have ever experienced. For over 22 years we have spent time at Jack and Len Chernysh's farm on this weekend....Any of you that follow my posts know we lost Jack on January 29th of this year. It was hard then but it was even harder on Saturday when we started the drive into the farm from the main highway down the Prairie River highway.....
The sun was shining and we were reminiscing and discussing quietly how this drive had led to Jacks place and no matter how many times we drove this stretch of road he was always at the end of it.....their farm yard was the end of the road....
Looking into the following picture the lane way in is directly to the left of the trees on the right.....the foreground is Jack's garden...At this time of year this is where we normally found him. His garden probably followed only his animals when it came to his labours of love. He often would ask me gardening questions and hope I had some answers . I grew gardens but not to the extent Jack did. By now he always had a hot bed for the tomatoes started and the rows were clearly marked with pickets and orange baler twine....He grew corn,beans ,peas,carrots,horseradish,tomatoes,parsnips(my fave) cucumbers and more ....and hills and hills of potatoes. The chickens ran free in his garden . They were the insect eaters and kept the garden clear of the pests. When he planted his dog or dogs were always right there beside him....
I was happy to see Len in the garden ....It reminded me that so far there was still someone still on the farm . We nearly lost Len four years ago when he had a valve in his heart replaced. He too is like a brother and has been there for us every year to have a drink with for Tom and to play scrabble with me along with the many discussions around the kitchen table to solve all the worlds problems or just figure out our own.
The farm yard Jack had his critters in
The sun was shining and we were reminiscing and discussing quietly how this drive had led to Jacks place and no matter how many times we drove this stretch of road he was always at the end of it.....their farm yard was the end of the road....
Looking into the following picture the lane way in is directly to the left of the trees on the right.....the foreground is Jack's garden...At this time of year this is where we normally found him. His garden probably followed only his animals when it came to his labours of love. He often would ask me gardening questions and hope I had some answers . I grew gardens but not to the extent Jack did. By now he always had a hot bed for the tomatoes started and the rows were clearly marked with pickets and orange baler twine....He grew corn,beans ,peas,carrots,horseradish,tomatoes,parsnips(my fave) cucumbers and more ....and hills and hills of potatoes. The chickens ran free in his garden . They were the insect eaters and kept the garden clear of the pests. When he planted his dog or dogs were always right there beside him....
Arriving Saturday even though we knew he wouldn't be there......THE painful reality hit us hard as we got closer .....we passed by the farm entrance to try to contain our emotions. After all we were coming to see Len ...he had lost a brother....we hoped to be strong for him....we drove past the yard and into the sports ground . The very place we first met Jack ...the place Jack and his brothers and sisters had played sports as kids...........the tears flowed ...and my heart ached.....after some time we turned and headed south again to the yard...We hesitated at the entrance to the pasture.....there were no cows..........there were no new born calves hopping around....and ....no Jack....
.more tears more pain....
Slowly we worked our way to the yard and as we turned in Tom spotted Len in the garden with Duke, the dog Jack had just gotten last spring and he loved so very much.....I got Tom to stop ASAP and I jumped out and slowly walked over to Len!
"Sheila " he said sounding dissapointed when he saw my tears and heard my sobs. He reached out his arm and pulled me close.... "It has been four months " You need to be strong"
"No Len", I said "Ffor us this is it the time is right now"....".The second we could see in your yard", I told him," was when it became real"..... He understood and gave me that smile of his... and we all hugged and ofcourse I hugged the dog.
Len although very different from Jack has a heart of gold and is very dear to us too.
This is the place we parked our camper for the last several years as Jack and Len liked our company and we theirs so we quit dragging it into the bush. When we arrived each spring Jack would have the extension cords all hooked up and the heater going so we would come up to a warm space.Its an old 60s camper you can see it back center of photo. I sold my guitar and we bought it for 500 . It was better than sleeping in the tent as we had for years! We slept up to 8 people in that little camper...
Walking around the farmyard was very difficult . It was great to recall though how I would help feed the cows and how I learnt to trust them . I wasn't fond of cows when we met Jack. He showed me how to interact with them and I enjoyed spending time with him and them especially in the spring when the new calves were all around.
This is where "Busy" the bull spent his falls ands winters. He was a great friend . I would call him and he would let me scratch his huge head and brush the loose hair off his back ...He seemed to appreciate me chasing the flies way from his eyes and would show it with a huge cowlick.
Jack in the beginning would say why would you be scared of them ? YOU just need to get to know them.. he was so right.. I was scared of the bush too when I met Jack......not even sure why..I am no longer afraid in the bush...I am much more leary in the city ;)
THE weekend passed with many memories shared, many tears shed and many thoughts of being grateful for what we still had and what we had lost.
Grateful to have met Jack, Len, Eva, Joe and all of the other Chernysh family.
Grateful to have had this place to come to and even more grateful
for the love we were shown in friendship.
As we drove away we realized that nothing will ever be the same at the Chernysh ranch..or at Prairie River Saskatchewan..Len will be moving to town and I am not sure what the future holds for the farm
The one thing I do know....is it will always be a place we will cherish in our memories . A place we were made to feel at home...a place we went to visit our BEST friends....a place that was very special and always will remain that way in a tender spot... deep inside of us.
Sunday 3 June 2012
Fear Not!
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Tonite I did something I would not have done 10 years ago. At 12:30 a.m. I walked my labyrinth.
10 years ago fear would have prevented that. Fear of what? Fear of the dark, fear of the coyotes, fear of the unknown. FEAR.Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Tonite I did something I would not have done 10 years ago. At 12:30 a.m. I walked my labyrinth.
Fear ruled most of my younger years. I was afraid of the dark as a child and afraid to try new things. I was scared at every turn at the risk of being ...hurt? unloved, losing something? I was afraid of being afraid..
Tonite upon entering the labyrinth I noticed the small voice of fear whispering in my ear......could be a coyote in the hills. For a second I was unsure of walking. I allowed myself to become calm and then I heard a different voice calling me to take my first step into the walk. AS I did I thought of how beautiful the night was and how the moon was nearly full, allowing me to be able to make out the stone edges of the circuits. THE breeze was cool and I welcomed it as the few mosquitos out earlier were whisked away by it. It had rained and the freshness it had provided was amazing and helped to bring me to the reason I was here to walk and be calm. The fear was erased.
My walk was completely consumed with thoughts of all the fears I lived with for too long and the victories I had over them.
The fears I experienced as a young adult prevented me from experiencing many things.
The fear of flying, the dentist, Fear of heights,visiting the hospital , driving in a car, the dark, bees, being alone, being accepted, doing anything where I might get hurt or the fear of the unknown.
At the age of 37 I won a trip to Cancun Mexico.....It was a great prize to win. But I was terrified to fly. I decided to do something to work on overcoming the fear that prevented me from flying. What was the irrational thought..I am going to crash and die. Every moment I spent thinking of flying this is what I thought...Thinking of driving there "I am going to crash and die" Imagining sitting in the airport "I am going to crash and die" Getting on the plane " I am going to crash and die"
(Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.)
Obviously this wasn't going to get me to Mexico let alone to the airport. I bought a tape on conquering the fear of flying and I did just that. Every night I listened to that tape. I got rid of the old messages in my mind and replaced them with positive images that included....driving to the airport picturing myself on the beach with my toes in the sand. ..waiting in the airport imagining the view from our beachfront hotel room.....boarding the plane and thinking about how good it would feel to be on a holiday after all these years. I also got real and when I did have those small brain burst of I am going to crash and die.... I corrected that thinking with thousands of people fly everyday and make it to where they are going.....the only reason we hear of only the crashes is because that is what makes the news.....I would imagine my own news flashes ..."Today it was reported that thousands of people world wide took off and landed in airplanes all over the world."
After the trip I realized I could apply this to all areas of my life. The dentist was next. I did visual therapy as well as exposure therapy to succeed at getting past that fear. I am totally fearless of the dental work being performed. Now I just worry about the bill ...
I had an awful fear of bees.....TERRIFIED! now I live on a farmyard that is surrounded by carraganas. Every spring (right now) the bees in the trees are so numerous that it sounds like small motors when you walk by them. I have no fear of them at all. NONE.
Yep I took this picture.
After several sleepovers and he still being fearful I came up with something that helped him overcome his fears.
I decided it was my turn to be afraid.."Zak I am scared ....and pointing to a shadow ask him " What is that?" He would look and soon have the answer for me. Soon he had every shadow and every sound figured out FOR ME! IN turn it was figured out for him as well. It is easy to tell someone not to be afraid but the secret is in them learning there is nothing to be afraid of. Figure out what is in the fear ....and overcoming it....
Now common sense tells us we need to be cautious when taking a risk or doing something new or dangerous but knowledge needs to override fear to be able to enjoy the experience.
SO my walk tonite was amazing and I am thankful to have come so far in overcoming fear in so many areas of my life. Life is so much more enjoyable when not living with fear .
I challenge you to take on your fears......face them with an open mind and use knowledge and reality checks to get past them...fear is really mind over matter..............it really is. When you chalange your fears you are truly challenging yourself.
I missed out on alot of things in the first 37 years of my life due to irrational fears........I am glad I am past that................you can be too.
ON a suspension bridge and loving the waterfall below!
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Thats me up there!!!
It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.
Monday 30 April 2012
Bird Feeding ..It Really Doesnt have to be all about what grows below the feeders!!!
I enjoy feeding birds.
I had an outdoor store for a couple years .I sold Kites , windsocks, flags , windchimes, bird baths, bird feeders and bird food.
I really had only tried feeding that store bought crap with the millet in it prior to going into a Backyard Habitat store while in Iowa.
There I learnt how bird feeding could really be a really interesting pastime.
To feed birds and not have the hassles that most consider have to be part of it....there are tricks to try.
First of all I never feed food that has millet in it!!! Or that big box store wild bird food that the birds just scatter around trying to get to the good stuff. The suppliers make it so there is 10 % good stuff so the birds waste it all and you mow the results with the lawn mower.
There are two types of seed I recommend . You reallydon't need anythign else.
a distlefink feeder
Black oil sunflower seed in the shell or slivered and Niger Seed.
I use Niger seed by its self or mixed half and half with slivered sunflower seeds. You can buy mixes of this blend or I buy the two separate at Peavey Mart and mix them together. If you don't want the Niger to grow spread the amount you are going to put in the feeder on a baking sheet and put in oven at 150 degrees for 15 minutes . The seeds then will not grow and the nutrition stays in it cooking them at this low temperature for the short time. The Niger seed is fine on its own too! The feeders to use are designed for theses tiny seeds and the other nuisance birds cannot feed from them. Finch feeders , distlefink feeders and my favourite the upside down finch feeder are sure to bring on the hungry little birds .Upside down feeders are unique as only Finches can feed form it. they are the ones htat can hang upside down so House Sparrow so long!!! IN the spring(when you see the first dandelion) the goldfinches will arrive. The brilliant yellow bird with black is the male and the dull olive one is the female. Female birds have duller plumage for protection when they are on the nest. Natures camouflage. IN the fall and through the winter you will see red polls, purple finches and house finches as well as pine siskins.These are all desirable birds.
upside down feeder
Gold finches nest in my yard at the farm and I can see them feeding throughout the summer. A real treat for me . IN the city they stopped to fill up on the Niger in my feeders and after several days would head out.
Black Oil Sunflower is good for all other birds. Use feeders that the bird has to pick the seed out of a small hole . You can get or make a net to fit under the feeder to catch any falling seeds. THe black oil can be baked jsut like the Niger seed to prevent it from growing. For fun put a sunflower seed feeder over a flower bed a let the fallen seeds grow. You will have towering sunflowers that the birds will pick the seed off of.
Another fun thing to do in the spring when the Orioles fly through put some orange slices out on the trunks of your trees I put them on with a small nail and the Oriole absolutely love to pick at them and a more beautiful bird to watch and listen too is hard to find.
Oriole
Want a wonderful little songbird to fill your days with sweet melodies. Buy or build several wren houses and place them in different locations around the yard. Make sure the hole is the size of a quarter no bigger.NO PERCHES ON ANY BIRD HOUSES!! Wrens will return in May and I tell you when they start to build their nest look out there is a lot of activity going to go on. The male builds a nest in all the houses and sings to attract and impress the female . She comes and checks out the houses and if one suits her fancy she settles in....Baby wrens are very tiny. If you provide birdhouses with flip up fronts or a plexiglass side you can peek in on the birds and enjoy watching them grow. The first year we lived here my husband had hung his carpenters pouch up in the shed and didnt use it for a few days. The time came and he went to use it only to find that there was a wrens nest complete with eggs in it. He left it there until they hatched and flew away.
There are more to sparrows than just those pesty house sparrows. The house sparrow are not native to Canada but have definately made themselves comfy here. What you want to feed are the other sparrows liek the chipping sparrow , white crowned sparrow and the white throated sparrow pictured here. These natvie species of sparrows are wonderful to observe and I recommend a brd book so you can see just what you are watching as there are so many kinds.
Suet cakes are a great attractent for chikadees, wrens, nuthatches , woodpeckers and more. I hang many of them and get a lot of different varieties at any one time.
wood[pecker on suet cage
NO matter which bird you want to attract a bird bath or turning on a sprinkler on a hot day will bring all kinds of birds in for relief. A birdbath is a grea tidea. Want to prevent mosquitos jsut a drop of olive oil will prevent the mosquitos from making your bird bath a hospitable breeding pond.
Be careful where you place your feeders and birdbath. Make sure your cat or the neighbours hungry kitty doesnt have the advantage. Hang feeders from hooks in trees or on hooks mounted on fences or post.
So give it a try...it can really be an enjoyable time..
I had an outdoor store for a couple years .I sold Kites , windsocks, flags , windchimes, bird baths, bird feeders and bird food.
I really had only tried feeding that store bought crap with the millet in it prior to going into a Backyard Habitat store while in Iowa.
There I learnt how bird feeding could really be a really interesting pastime.
To feed birds and not have the hassles that most consider have to be part of it....there are tricks to try.
First of all I never feed food that has millet in it!!! Or that big box store wild bird food that the birds just scatter around trying to get to the good stuff. The suppliers make it so there is 10 % good stuff so the birds waste it all and you mow the results with the lawn mower.
There are two types of seed I recommend . You reallydon't need anythign else.
a distlefink feederI use Niger seed by its self or mixed half and half with slivered sunflower seeds. You can buy mixes of this blend or I buy the two separate at Peavey Mart and mix them together. If you don't want the Niger to grow spread the amount you are going to put in the feeder on a baking sheet and put in oven at 150 degrees for 15 minutes . The seeds then will not grow and the nutrition stays in it cooking them at this low temperature for the short time. The Niger seed is fine on its own too! The feeders to use are designed for theses tiny seeds and the other nuisance birds cannot feed from them. Finch feeders , distlefink feeders and my favourite the upside down finch feeder are sure to bring on the hungry little birds .Upside down feeders are unique as only Finches can feed form it. they are the ones htat can hang upside down so House Sparrow so long!!! IN the spring(when you see the first dandelion) the goldfinches will arrive. The brilliant yellow bird with black is the male and the dull olive one is the female. Female birds have duller plumage for protection when they are on the nest. Natures camouflage. IN the fall and through the winter you will see red polls, purple finches and house finches as well as pine siskins.These are all desirable birds.
upside down feederGold finches nest in my yard at the farm and I can see them feeding throughout the summer. A real treat for me . IN the city they stopped to fill up on the Niger in my feeders and after several days would head out.
Black Oil Sunflower is good for all other birds. Use feeders that the bird has to pick the seed out of a small hole . You can get or make a net to fit under the feeder to catch any falling seeds. THe black oil can be baked jsut like the Niger seed to prevent it from growing. For fun put a sunflower seed feeder over a flower bed a let the fallen seeds grow. You will have towering sunflowers that the birds will pick the seed off of.
Another fun thing to do in the spring when the Orioles fly through put some orange slices out on the trunks of your trees I put them on with a small nail and the Oriole absolutely love to pick at them and a more beautiful bird to watch and listen too is hard to find.
OrioleThere are more to sparrows than just those pesty house sparrows. The house sparrow are not native to Canada but have definately made themselves comfy here. What you want to feed are the other sparrows liek the chipping sparrow , white crowned sparrow and the white throated sparrow pictured here. These natvie species of sparrows are wonderful to observe and I recommend a brd book so you can see just what you are watching as there are so many kinds.
Suet cakes are a great attractent for chikadees, wrens, nuthatches , woodpeckers and more. I hang many of them and get a lot of different varieties at any one time.
wood[pecker on suet cage
Humming birds return in beginning of May. These little hummers are amazing. IF something zips by your head with a soundof a little helicopter it is time to dig out the humming bird nectar and feeder. Do not use red food clouring in the mixture instead hang red fake flowers or what I liek to do is hang th efeeders near baskets of red petunias or coral bells . They love anythign red . When we hunted in the spring up norht the little hummers woudl fly up and try to get nectar out of our red rainsuits , red tail lights on thecamper literally anything red. IF you want grow scarlet running beans I tell you those things really attract the hummers . Grow them along with your flowers the flowers are large red and the beans are edible afterward. Fuschia are great for them too!
NO matter which bird you want to attract a bird bath or turning on a sprinkler on a hot day will bring all kinds of birds in for relief. A birdbath is a grea tidea. Want to prevent mosquitos jsut a drop of olive oil will prevent the mosquitos from making your bird bath a hospitable breeding pond.
Be careful where you place your feeders and birdbath. Make sure your cat or the neighbours hungry kitty doesnt have the advantage. Hang feeders from hooks in trees or on hooks mounted on fences or post.
So give it a try...it can really be an enjoyable time..
Monday 23 April 2012
5 minutes
Sometimes I need to slow myself down...Ever notice how fast paced life is today?
I spent a lunch hour with my son last week.... his life is always on fast forward and when I asked him if he was able to breathe while he shovelled down his food ...he realised maybe he really needed to taste his food before it hit the organs.......I have begged him lately to slow down a little and take some time to enjoy his life....we will see how that goes...
I was in line in a gas station the other day. There was a little elderly man at the front of the line...I am guessing he was about 85...my dads age. He was paying for his gas and buying a lottery ticket with his debit card. There were several of us in line and I was right behind the fellow. I couldn't help but consider the changes this man, who was slowly inserting his debit card carefully and diligently into the machine....had encountered throughout his life...especially the pace of life and what it would mean for him and for others in his situation. He took his time and I glanced back at the line....seven or more people...Some seemed irratated, others bored with being in line. One guy about my age's eyes met mine as I studied the faces behind me.. He smiled a seemingly understanding smile at me as he glanced toward the elderly man still slowly entering his PIN. After about 5 minutes he set the machine down and slpwly pulled his card out returned it to his wallet and thanked the young ,releived ,cashier. It took him .about ..5 whole minutes and it had effected everybody in line. We all had to slow down ..it was obvious that some were angry , others were just uncomfortable with a few minutes to actually just be......and then those of us that were able to take in the fact that this person that was putting all of our brakes on ......really didn't mind if we were waiting...... He was doing what the needed to do in his own time...
I walked out of that gas station and made a conscious decision that I was going to do my best to apply my brakes a little more often..
Have I succeeded ? Not regularly by any means and when I do make the effort to slow down there are usually lengthy skid marks indicating just how fast I need to be going before I slam my brakes on.....
That elderly fellow taught me that day while the rest of the world is speeding around it really isn't necessary for me to do the same. Life goes on realtively the same if we slow down and take the time to live. For him it seemed to be natural just the way it was to be ...he wasn't frustrated he wasn't struggling he was just taking his time...and all of those people in line...they had to slow down as well .......for 5 minutes ..
I spent a lunch hour with my son last week.... his life is always on fast forward and when I asked him if he was able to breathe while he shovelled down his food ...he realised maybe he really needed to taste his food before it hit the organs.......I have begged him lately to slow down a little and take some time to enjoy his life....we will see how that goes...
Have I succeeded ? Not regularly by any means and when I do make the effort to slow down there are usually lengthy skid marks indicating just how fast I need to be going before I slam my brakes on.....
That elderly fellow taught me that day while the rest of the world is speeding around it really isn't necessary for me to do the same. Life goes on realtively the same if we slow down and take the time to live. For him it seemed to be natural just the way it was to be ...he wasn't frustrated he wasn't struggling he was just taking his time...and all of those people in line...they had to slow down as well .......for 5 minutes ..
Monday 5 March 2012
Blues stay away from me....Blues why won't you let me be...? Don't know why ...you keep a haunting me.
This is the toughest time of year for me.....and for many others that battle with depression.
A good friend of mine that lived with his mind telling him to kill himself at this time of year for over 25 years agreed with me once that starting in March the darkness can just suddenly slip in..
We both had found it odd as it is the beginning of spring the start of the warmest, brightest,and BESTEST time of the year.
He a teacher and I always willing to learn about the mind and its "seasons" researched together just why this happened to so many of us.. what we discovered ......Lack of Seritonin after a long dark winter..
Here is the article that changed my life Credit to Dr. Joe Carver
Before you go into the article if you or someone you love suffers from anxiety or depression...be there for you or them to listen to hug to hold and to laugh or cry ...not to condemn to belittle or make fun of
......this too shall pass.....
Brain Chemistry and Depression:
The human brain operates, much like your automobile, on fluids called neurotransmitters. Just as your automobile has brake fluid, antifreeze, transmission fluid, and oil - your brain runs on these neurotransmitters. Some give us energy, like those related to adrenalin, some control body movements ("dopamine" as an example), and some control mood.
The brain neurotransmitter often associated with depression is called serotonin. Serotonin is the brain's "oil", a rather slow-acting neurotransmitter that is associated with sleep, appetite, energy, alertness, and mood - just to name a few. Using the automobile as an example, if we drive our car to California at a speed of 120 mile per hour, running the engine hot for a long time, it would obviously use more oil. As long as we provided gas, however, it would continue to run. Now suppose in our trip that for every two quarts of oil we burn, we only replace one quart. By the time we reached California we'd be several quarts low and our engine would be obviously overworked and overheated.
During long-term high stress, the brain burns its' oil, serotonin, at a higher rate. The bottomline in depression and stress: The brain burns up more serotonin than it can replace! In the end result, after many months of severe stress, the brain is using serotonin faster than it can create/replace it. Your neurochemical level of serotonin drops and you become depressed.
You'll know your Serotonin level is low (and depression is here) by the following symptoms:
1. Most depressed folks experience early morning awakening, usually around 4:00 am (farmers are exempted). Serotonin, you see, controls our sleep cycle.
2. Concentration and attention will drop. Depressed children/students will experience a drop in grades. You'll start putting odd things in the refrigerator (a bowling ball is the office record!), forget why you went to the grocery, and become very forgetful and scatterbrained at work/home.
3. You'll lose physical energy. You can sleep for ten hours and you'll still be bone tired. You will cry at the drop of a hat - driving down the highway, doing dishes, sitting at work, etc.
4. Sexual interest, appetite, and general interest will rapidly drop. You will stop answering the phone, stop visiting friends/relatives, and pull the blinds.
5. Most dangerous - your mind speed will increase. Your mind will race at what seems like 200 miles per hour. Depressed people often tell their doctor "I can't get my mind to stop!" The minute you wake up in the morning - it will start up. Your brain will then turn against you. It will reach in your memory and pull out every bad memory it can find - abuse as a child, failed relationships, etc. - anything to make you feel bad and especially guilty. You will be tortured by your own thoughts.
6. As your mind speed picks up, the "garbage truck" will arrive. While the brain is already torturing you with the past, it will create/invent new ideas/thoughts to torture you. In every case of depression, if the depression stays long enough, you will receive the same "garbage" thoughts from your mind. You will be told:
- you are a burden to your family/friends
- you have failed/disappointed your family
- no one really cares about you
- your children would be better raised by someone else
- your family would be better off without you
- your spouse would be better off without you
- you are going crazy and there's no hope
- it would be better if you weren't around
- you would be better off dead
- you should probably kill yourself
If you're depressed - then you already know about the garbage truck. It's almost impossible to explain this part, and the excessive mind speed, to someone who has never been seriously depressed. If your depression goes untreated, this constant "garbage" will totally destroy your self-confidence. Try as you may, you will be unable to control this part of depression.
7. As part of the "garbage truck", your mind will try to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You may be flooded with thoughts of violence (against yourself and others), you'll think you are condemned by God, or you'll think you deserve this condition for some reason. Your garbage will also tell you that if you seek professional help (physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.) that you'll be committed to an institution forever.
8. When depressed, your brain begins running a mental "video tape" of your worst hits/experiences. If married, a mental tape of the marriage is played daily, only focusing on the worst experiences. If you are young, you will suddenly become preoccupied with your upbringing, who got the best gym shoes, the favorite child, the car you never received. Frequent if not constant thoughts and preoccupations about past problems and issues is a common sign of depression.
In short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier than you think.
Current Treatment for Depression:
Treatment for depression frequently involves two programs, one using antidepressant medication and the other repairing the damage done by months of "garbage". In all current research, the best way to recover from a severe depression is using both methods.
Medication Treatment: Remember the automobile example, being several quarts low after running too hot for too long. Depression is treated medically in a similar manner - we add a few quarts of oil until the fluid level (Serotonin) is normal. In depression, we use antidepressant medication to "add" the brain's oil, in most cases, Serotonin. An antidepressant medication slowly increases the Serotonin in the brain. Prozac, Zoloft, and the newest "Paxil" are antidepressants especially made for this purpose. They form a new class of antidepressant medications, SSRI's, or (ready for this?) Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI).
As in the automobile, as your "oil" level goes up, your symptoms go down. Most antidepressant medications require at least four to six weeks to increase the serotonin level significantly although you'll notice improvements after the first week. Antidepressant medications, the SSRI's for example, often stop crying spells in five to seven days and stop the "garbage truck" in five to ten days.
Psychological Treatment: Psychologists and other therapists work with you to repair the damage done by the "garbage", helping you sort out reality from what your brain has fed you over the past many months. Many people feel going to a psychologist or therapist involves laying on a couch and talking about your toilet training during childhood - Nonsense! Modern psychologists are experts in not only brain chemistry, but how to repair "thinking" damage and rebuild/reconstruct your confidence. The combination of medication and therapy is extremely effective.
Usually, successful treatment for severe depression involves both medication and therapy/counseling. With both, you can expect normal sleep to return first, followed by a slowing of mind speed and the garbage truck leaving.
Some General Thoughts:
1. Depression is the most common mental health problem treated by modern psychologists and psychiatrists. In most cases, hospitalization is not required unless you have waited until you have active suicidal thoughts.
2. If you are depressed, expect your brain to be filled with mental garbage - get ready for it! During this time, do not take action on those garbage thoughts and make no major changes in your life. It's best to wait until the garbage truck leaves before making decisions that will or may change our life.
3. Depression has been researched by physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, and others. Listen to the advice of your professionals who study depression - not your neighbors or your aunt Gladys. If placed on medication, you may be told "Don't take that Dope!". Remember, the people giving you advice don't have a 200 mile-per-hour garbage truck following them! Stick with professional opinion. Depression is a chemical problem, not caused by demons, devils, poor eating habits, a new moon, or other old-wives tales.
4. You may have other symptoms with your depression, such as severe anxiety or agitation (pacing, no sleep at all, "hyper", etc.). That only means another neurochemical has kicked in. In these cases, a psychiatrist can best select the medication for the combination of anxiety and depression.
5. When you are depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will "bug" you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice ("snap out of it" is most common), and trying to be by your side. Children will become shadows when their mother is depressed, almost protecting Mom. Be prepared for this.
6. During depression, remember that your brain goes on a bad-memory hunt, looking for old memories to torture you. Be prepared to relive or re-feel old hurts, old doubts, old guilt, and old sorrows. Be curious about what memory files the brain selects rather than focus on those memories. You can expect your brain to constantly replay the video tape (your "worst hits" tape) of your life. You'll feel guilty for things you did as a child, mistakes you made ten years ago, etc. You'll live in the past as long as the depression remains. It may interest you to know that as the serotonin level increases, the "past" returns to the past as a memory - not a torture.
7. As your brain tortures you, it may "lock on" horrible thoughts. You may feel you have a terminal disease. You may become preoccupied with guns, evil thoughts, etc. Often, individuals feel they are somehow contaminated by a killer disease, fearing they will pass it to their family. One husband brought his wife in for treatment when she began fixing breakfast in a surgical mask and rubber gloves! One man sought treatment at the office after nailing his closet door shut with 148 nails - his brain became preoccupied with the shotgun in that closet, telling him to kill his family and then himself.
In other depressed situations, people become obsessed with other issues, almost always "the road not taken". Often viewed as mid-life crisis, a straight-laced businessman now wants a Harley and a tattoo while another individual begins suddenly thinking about a past sweetheart. In almost all of these situations, the individual acts totally out of character.
8. All depressed folks look for escapes. Common methods of trying to escape depression are excessive alcohol use, drugs, sexual relationships, changing jobs, etc. A lot of good marriages are lost during these times as the spouse of the depressed partner hears "I've got to have space" or "I've got to get away and find myself!" You'll find these escapes don't work. These methods only complicate your depression and your recovery. Best bet - don't make changes, just get to a professional.
9. Most people classify all medications that act on emotions as "nerve pills". This is far from the truth. Psychiatrists actually have medications for anxiety/nervousness (Valium, Ativan, Xanax, etc.) and those for depression (Elavil, Prozac, Zoloft, Sinequan, etc.). Different brain chemicals are involved in each condition and many people make the serious mistake of taking an antianxiety medication for their "nerves", thinking they are treating their depression - Wrong! While you will be calmer, you will stay depressed. It's like drinking six beers for a broken arm - you might feel the pain less but your arm is still broken. A psychiatrist is most qualified to select the proper medication for your condition.
10. If you are placed on medication, don't expect an immediate recovery. With antidepressants, it's similar to refilling the oil in the car, only at 1/8th of a quart a day. As you continue to take the medication, your mood will slowly improve as the serotonin level increases in the brain. When depressed, every day is bad and full of mental garbage. As medication continues, you'll have a bad, then good day. As serotonin gets higher, you'll have a bad morning, then three good days. In short, it's bad-and-good at first, then finally good days with routine hassles. No one is happy all the time. People that are happy all the time are institutionalized - it's not normal. "Normal" is a good mood with normal reactions to the stress of everyday life.
11. In selecting a therapist/counselor, each one is different. All have different personalities, styles, and attitudes. Select one that has your style and most important - somebody that makes sense. If you meet one that says "I don't believe in medications" - get out of there! That therapist is about thirty years behind modern treatment. Often, your family physician is in a position to recommend the best therapist in your area. You can also look for signs of acceptance in the professional community, such as hospital privileges. You may have to shop around to find a therapist right for you.
As a word of caution, many inexperienced therapists or those with limited training may miss the fact that you are depressed. You may arrive at the therapist office preoccupied about something in your childhood that actually happened 20 years ago. You may also fool your family physician with multiple physical complaints as when Serotonin is low, all body systems seem to go haywire. A properly trained therapist will not only asked about your life and upbringing, but about the physical aspects of your situation; your sleep, sexual interest, concentration, and other indicators of low-serotonin depression or stress. The inexperienced therapist might focus on the "garbage truck" thoughts and miss the big picture, the presence of depression. If you are clinically depressed, weekly discussions of your past as told by the garbage truck will only prolong your depression and possibly intensify it. If in doubt, consult your family physician to obtain a medical/physical view of the situation as most physicians are usually trained to recognize the indications of low-serotonin depression. If you think depression is part of the problem, ask your family physician to refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist in your area.
12. Depression affects more than the individual with the depression - it's a family-and-friends problem as well. If your spouse is depressed, he or she may be constantly talking about the history of the marriage and relationship. Remember, the "garbage truck" is running in their brain, thinking of every bad thing that has been done, said, or not done. The spouse that isn't depressed is frequently "dumped on" with hundreds of accusations and thoughts that are long after-the-fact and totally beyond correction at this point. The nondepressed spouse may suddenly learn that their partner never did like their hairstyle, their mother, their choice of automobile, or the price of the house. The nondepressed spouse will hear many "thoughts" that were present at the time of marital decisions, often years ago, but were never mentioned. The nondepressed spouse may be awakened at night with accusations and complaints that may last for hours. The nondepressed spouse will be made to feel responsible for these unspoken wishes and will be helpless as the depressed spouse lists mistakes and misunderstandings that have taken place during the entire marriage/relationship. Even though they might have been discussed at the time, the nondepressed spouse will receive much blame for past events.
If your son or daughter is depressed, they may suddenly withdraw from the family or become hostile. Due to their youth, most of their life experience is associated with the family, remembering that family experiences makes up 70 percent of their mental video tape. For this reason, the "garbage truck" will be reviewing every mistake or issue in their upbringing. In such cases, the parents are "dumped on" with what they did wrong, bad decisions they've made in raising the son/daughter, or feelings that were never discussed related to their brothers or sisters. With the low self-esteem created by the depression and stress, the son/daughter may be intensely rejecting, as though feeling they must reject the parents before the parents have a chance to reject them. The anger and hostility is often so strong that parents miss the fact that their son/daughter is depressed - they're too busy dealing with accusations or hostility to see the depressed mood.
Older sons and daughters may start apologizing for their behavior in their childhood, seeking forgiveness - despite the fact that they are now parents themselves. Parents may be shocked to find that their depressed married son/daughter is suddenly thinking of divorce in a circumstance that is "out of the blue" and totally unexpected.
If a friend is depressed, they will suddenly have no interest in maintaining your friendship. They'll stop calling, visiting, or writing. If your depressed best friend suddenly gives you their most prized possession or asks you to be included in their will to take care of their children - be on the alert! Such behaviors are often part of a suicide plan in which the depressed friend wants to "take care of business" before they leave this earth. At that point, a heart-to-heart talk is needed, perhaps offering to accompany them to a professional's office for help. Many depressed individuals are brought to the office by their parents, friends, ministers, union stewards, or work supervisors.
Conclusions:
Depression, at some level, will hit every adult eventually. While most depressions are brief, with our serotonin gradually returning as stress decreases, when depression comes and stays you may need professional treatment to recover. If you think you may have depression, obtain an opinion from a mental health or medical professional. That professional can then guide you in the direction of additional treatment and/or possible medication. Depression is no longer a mystery and is easily treated by modern methods. Treatment is usually short-term, there's no lying on a couch, and your insurance covers most of the charges in Ohio and other states. Your community mental health professionals are your clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and those at your community health-care facilities.
A good friend of mine that lived with his mind telling him to kill himself at this time of year for over 25 years agreed with me once that starting in March the darkness can just suddenly slip in..
We both had found it odd as it is the beginning of spring the start of the warmest, brightest,and BESTEST time of the year.
He a teacher and I always willing to learn about the mind and its "seasons" researched together just why this happened to so many of us.. what we discovered ......Lack of Seritonin after a long dark winter..
Here is the article that changed my life Credit to Dr. Joe Carver
Before you go into the article if you or someone you love suffers from anxiety or depression...be there for you or them to listen to hug to hold and to laugh or cry ...not to condemn to belittle or make fun of
......this too shall pass.....
Brain Chemistry and Depression:
The human brain operates, much like your automobile, on fluids called neurotransmitters. Just as your automobile has brake fluid, antifreeze, transmission fluid, and oil - your brain runs on these neurotransmitters. Some give us energy, like those related to adrenalin, some control body movements ("dopamine" as an example), and some control mood.
The brain neurotransmitter often associated with depression is called serotonin. Serotonin is the brain's "oil", a rather slow-acting neurotransmitter that is associated with sleep, appetite, energy, alertness, and mood - just to name a few. Using the automobile as an example, if we drive our car to California at a speed of 120 mile per hour, running the engine hot for a long time, it would obviously use more oil. As long as we provided gas, however, it would continue to run. Now suppose in our trip that for every two quarts of oil we burn, we only replace one quart. By the time we reached California we'd be several quarts low and our engine would be obviously overworked and overheated.
During long-term high stress, the brain burns its' oil, serotonin, at a higher rate. The bottomline in depression and stress: The brain burns up more serotonin than it can replace! In the end result, after many months of severe stress, the brain is using serotonin faster than it can create/replace it. Your neurochemical level of serotonin drops and you become depressed.
You'll know your Serotonin level is low (and depression is here) by the following symptoms:
1. Most depressed folks experience early morning awakening, usually around 4:00 am (farmers are exempted). Serotonin, you see, controls our sleep cycle.
2. Concentration and attention will drop. Depressed children/students will experience a drop in grades. You'll start putting odd things in the refrigerator (a bowling ball is the office record!), forget why you went to the grocery, and become very forgetful and scatterbrained at work/home.
3. You'll lose physical energy. You can sleep for ten hours and you'll still be bone tired. You will cry at the drop of a hat - driving down the highway, doing dishes, sitting at work, etc.
4. Sexual interest, appetite, and general interest will rapidly drop. You will stop answering the phone, stop visiting friends/relatives, and pull the blinds.
5. Most dangerous - your mind speed will increase. Your mind will race at what seems like 200 miles per hour. Depressed people often tell their doctor "I can't get my mind to stop!" The minute you wake up in the morning - it will start up. Your brain will then turn against you. It will reach in your memory and pull out every bad memory it can find - abuse as a child, failed relationships, etc. - anything to make you feel bad and especially guilty. You will be tortured by your own thoughts.
- you are a burden to your family/friends
- you have failed/disappointed your family
- no one really cares about you
- your children would be better raised by someone else
- your family would be better off without you
- your spouse would be better off without you
- you are going crazy and there's no hope
- it would be better if you weren't around
- you would be better off dead
- you should probably kill yourself
If you're depressed - then you already know about the garbage truck. It's almost impossible to explain this part, and the excessive mind speed, to someone who has never been seriously depressed. If your depression goes untreated, this constant "garbage" will totally destroy your self-confidence. Try as you may, you will be unable to control this part of depression.
7. As part of the "garbage truck", your mind will try to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You may be flooded with thoughts of violence (against yourself and others), you'll think you are condemned by God, or you'll think you deserve this condition for some reason. Your garbage will also tell you that if you seek professional help (physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.) that you'll be committed to an institution forever.
8. When depressed, your brain begins running a mental "video tape" of your worst hits/experiences. If married, a mental tape of the marriage is played daily, only focusing on the worst experiences. If you are young, you will suddenly become preoccupied with your upbringing, who got the best gym shoes, the favorite child, the car you never received. Frequent if not constant thoughts and preoccupations about past problems and issues is a common sign of depression.
In short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier than you think.
Current Treatment for Depression:
Treatment for depression frequently involves two programs, one using antidepressant medication and the other repairing the damage done by months of "garbage". In all current research, the best way to recover from a severe depression is using both methods.
Medication Treatment: Remember the automobile example, being several quarts low after running too hot for too long. Depression is treated medically in a similar manner - we add a few quarts of oil until the fluid level (Serotonin) is normal. In depression, we use antidepressant medication to "add" the brain's oil, in most cases, Serotonin. An antidepressant medication slowly increases the Serotonin in the brain. Prozac, Zoloft, and the newest "Paxil" are antidepressants especially made for this purpose. They form a new class of antidepressant medications, SSRI's, or (ready for this?) Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI).
As in the automobile, as your "oil" level goes up, your symptoms go down. Most antidepressant medications require at least four to six weeks to increase the serotonin level significantly although you'll notice improvements after the first week. Antidepressant medications, the SSRI's for example, often stop crying spells in five to seven days and stop the "garbage truck" in five to ten days.
Psychological Treatment: Psychologists and other therapists work with you to repair the damage done by the "garbage", helping you sort out reality from what your brain has fed you over the past many months. Many people feel going to a psychologist or therapist involves laying on a couch and talking about your toilet training during childhood - Nonsense! Modern psychologists are experts in not only brain chemistry, but how to repair "thinking" damage and rebuild/reconstruct your confidence. The combination of medication and therapy is extremely effective.
Usually, successful treatment for severe depression involves both medication and therapy/counseling. With both, you can expect normal sleep to return first, followed by a slowing of mind speed and the garbage truck leaving.
Some General Thoughts:
1. Depression is the most common mental health problem treated by modern psychologists and psychiatrists. In most cases, hospitalization is not required unless you have waited until you have active suicidal thoughts.
2. If you are depressed, expect your brain to be filled with mental garbage - get ready for it! During this time, do not take action on those garbage thoughts and make no major changes in your life. It's best to wait until the garbage truck leaves before making decisions that will or may change our life.
3. Depression has been researched by physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, and others. Listen to the advice of your professionals who study depression - not your neighbors or your aunt Gladys. If placed on medication, you may be told "Don't take that Dope!". Remember, the people giving you advice don't have a 200 mile-per-hour garbage truck following them! Stick with professional opinion. Depression is a chemical problem, not caused by demons, devils, poor eating habits, a new moon, or other old-wives tales.
4. You may have other symptoms with your depression, such as severe anxiety or agitation (pacing, no sleep at all, "hyper", etc.). That only means another neurochemical has kicked in. In these cases, a psychiatrist can best select the medication for the combination of anxiety and depression.
5. When you are depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will "bug" you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice ("snap out of it" is most common), and trying to be by your side. Children will become shadows when their mother is depressed, almost protecting Mom. Be prepared for this.
6. During depression, remember that your brain goes on a bad-memory hunt, looking for old memories to torture you. Be prepared to relive or re-feel old hurts, old doubts, old guilt, and old sorrows. Be curious about what memory files the brain selects rather than focus on those memories. You can expect your brain to constantly replay the video tape (your "worst hits" tape) of your life. You'll feel guilty for things you did as a child, mistakes you made ten years ago, etc. You'll live in the past as long as the depression remains. It may interest you to know that as the serotonin level increases, the "past" returns to the past as a memory - not a torture.
7. As your brain tortures you, it may "lock on" horrible thoughts. You may feel you have a terminal disease. You may become preoccupied with guns, evil thoughts, etc. Often, individuals feel they are somehow contaminated by a killer disease, fearing they will pass it to their family. One husband brought his wife in for treatment when she began fixing breakfast in a surgical mask and rubber gloves! One man sought treatment at the office after nailing his closet door shut with 148 nails - his brain became preoccupied with the shotgun in that closet, telling him to kill his family and then himself.
In other depressed situations, people become obsessed with other issues, almost always "the road not taken". Often viewed as mid-life crisis, a straight-laced businessman now wants a Harley and a tattoo while another individual begins suddenly thinking about a past sweetheart. In almost all of these situations, the individual acts totally out of character.
8. All depressed folks look for escapes. Common methods of trying to escape depression are excessive alcohol use, drugs, sexual relationships, changing jobs, etc. A lot of good marriages are lost during these times as the spouse of the depressed partner hears "I've got to have space" or "I've got to get away and find myself!" You'll find these escapes don't work. These methods only complicate your depression and your recovery. Best bet - don't make changes, just get to a professional.
9. Most people classify all medications that act on emotions as "nerve pills". This is far from the truth. Psychiatrists actually have medications for anxiety/nervousness (Valium, Ativan, Xanax, etc.) and those for depression (Elavil, Prozac, Zoloft, Sinequan, etc.). Different brain chemicals are involved in each condition and many people make the serious mistake of taking an antianxiety medication for their "nerves", thinking they are treating their depression - Wrong! While you will be calmer, you will stay depressed. It's like drinking six beers for a broken arm - you might feel the pain less but your arm is still broken. A psychiatrist is most qualified to select the proper medication for your condition.
10. If you are placed on medication, don't expect an immediate recovery. With antidepressants, it's similar to refilling the oil in the car, only at 1/8th of a quart a day. As you continue to take the medication, your mood will slowly improve as the serotonin level increases in the brain. When depressed, every day is bad and full of mental garbage. As medication continues, you'll have a bad, then good day. As serotonin gets higher, you'll have a bad morning, then three good days. In short, it's bad-and-good at first, then finally good days with routine hassles. No one is happy all the time. People that are happy all the time are institutionalized - it's not normal. "Normal" is a good mood with normal reactions to the stress of everyday life.
11. In selecting a therapist/counselor, each one is different. All have different personalities, styles, and attitudes. Select one that has your style and most important - somebody that makes sense. If you meet one that says "I don't believe in medications" - get out of there! That therapist is about thirty years behind modern treatment. Often, your family physician is in a position to recommend the best therapist in your area. You can also look for signs of acceptance in the professional community, such as hospital privileges. You may have to shop around to find a therapist right for you.
As a word of caution, many inexperienced therapists or those with limited training may miss the fact that you are depressed. You may arrive at the therapist office preoccupied about something in your childhood that actually happened 20 years ago. You may also fool your family physician with multiple physical complaints as when Serotonin is low, all body systems seem to go haywire. A properly trained therapist will not only asked about your life and upbringing, but about the physical aspects of your situation; your sleep, sexual interest, concentration, and other indicators of low-serotonin depression or stress. The inexperienced therapist might focus on the "garbage truck" thoughts and miss the big picture, the presence of depression. If you are clinically depressed, weekly discussions of your past as told by the garbage truck will only prolong your depression and possibly intensify it. If in doubt, consult your family physician to obtain a medical/physical view of the situation as most physicians are usually trained to recognize the indications of low-serotonin depression. If you think depression is part of the problem, ask your family physician to refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist in your area.
12. Depression affects more than the individual with the depression - it's a family-and-friends problem as well. If your spouse is depressed, he or she may be constantly talking about the history of the marriage and relationship. Remember, the "garbage truck" is running in their brain, thinking of every bad thing that has been done, said, or not done. The spouse that isn't depressed is frequently "dumped on" with hundreds of accusations and thoughts that are long after-the-fact and totally beyond correction at this point. The nondepressed spouse may suddenly learn that their partner never did like their hairstyle, their mother, their choice of automobile, or the price of the house. The nondepressed spouse will hear many "thoughts" that were present at the time of marital decisions, often years ago, but were never mentioned. The nondepressed spouse may be awakened at night with accusations and complaints that may last for hours. The nondepressed spouse will be made to feel responsible for these unspoken wishes and will be helpless as the depressed spouse lists mistakes and misunderstandings that have taken place during the entire marriage/relationship. Even though they might have been discussed at the time, the nondepressed spouse will receive much blame for past events.
If your son or daughter is depressed, they may suddenly withdraw from the family or become hostile. Due to their youth, most of their life experience is associated with the family, remembering that family experiences makes up 70 percent of their mental video tape. For this reason, the "garbage truck" will be reviewing every mistake or issue in their upbringing. In such cases, the parents are "dumped on" with what they did wrong, bad decisions they've made in raising the son/daughter, or feelings that were never discussed related to their brothers or sisters. With the low self-esteem created by the depression and stress, the son/daughter may be intensely rejecting, as though feeling they must reject the parents before the parents have a chance to reject them. The anger and hostility is often so strong that parents miss the fact that their son/daughter is depressed - they're too busy dealing with accusations or hostility to see the depressed mood.
Older sons and daughters may start apologizing for their behavior in their childhood, seeking forgiveness - despite the fact that they are now parents themselves. Parents may be shocked to find that their depressed married son/daughter is suddenly thinking of divorce in a circumstance that is "out of the blue" and totally unexpected.
If a friend is depressed, they will suddenly have no interest in maintaining your friendship. They'll stop calling, visiting, or writing. If your depressed best friend suddenly gives you their most prized possession or asks you to be included in their will to take care of their children - be on the alert! Such behaviors are often part of a suicide plan in which the depressed friend wants to "take care of business" before they leave this earth. At that point, a heart-to-heart talk is needed, perhaps offering to accompany them to a professional's office for help. Many depressed individuals are brought to the office by their parents, friends, ministers, union stewards, or work supervisors.
Conclusions:
Depression, at some level, will hit every adult eventually. While most depressions are brief, with our serotonin gradually returning as stress decreases, when depression comes and stays you may need professional treatment to recover. If you think you may have depression, obtain an opinion from a mental health or medical professional. That professional can then guide you in the direction of additional treatment and/or possible medication. Depression is no longer a mystery and is easily treated by modern methods. Treatment is usually short-term, there's no lying on a couch, and your insurance covers most of the charges in Ohio and other states. Your community mental health professionals are your clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and those at your community health-care facilities.
Tuesday 21 February 2012
Laurie Anderson
Tonite I ask you to pray for Laurie Anderson...right now she needs our prayers ...She deserves an apology from many ...Those that denied her the care she needed , those that said no to a surgery date and those beaurcrats that sit behind their big wooden desks and tell the people that are supposed to care for us what they can and cannot do.
Well what they can't do now is turn back the time and remove the cancer from her lymphatic system and who knows where else it has settled in ....in her tiny 33 year old body...
You know Laurie is no different from you or you or me..She got sick she asked for help she pleaded for help and got sicker and sicker and now ...she needs our prayers...
Charles Adler spoke clearly tonight about how the "health" care system is failing...it is failing and that means we are not able to count on a program put in place and funded by us with our tax dollars, to take care of us....and the ones we love...
Lets keep to the positive though..keep Laurie in mind and in your heart and prayers then .say a prayer for all of those caught up in the health care system..
We also need to say prayer for the system and all of its workers....Dr.s, Nurses, Lab techs, etc. after all that is where we really need intervention...with those that can provide the care if able to.
Good night and Laurie...TAKE GOOD CARE!
You are a shining star!
Well what they can't do now is turn back the time and remove the cancer from her lymphatic system and who knows where else it has settled in ....in her tiny 33 year old body...
You know Laurie is no different from you or you or me..She got sick she asked for help she pleaded for help and got sicker and sicker and now ...she needs our prayers...
Charles Adler spoke clearly tonight about how the "health" care system is failing...it is failing and that means we are not able to count on a program put in place and funded by us with our tax dollars, to take care of us....and the ones we love...
Lets keep to the positive though..keep Laurie in mind and in your heart and prayers then .say a prayer for all of those caught up in the health care system..
We also need to say prayer for the system and all of its workers....Dr.s, Nurses, Lab techs, etc. after all that is where we really need intervention...with those that can provide the care if able to.
Good night and Laurie...TAKE GOOD CARE!
You are a shining star!
Sunday 12 February 2012
Crocus Creek Healing Labyrinth now posted on International Labyrinth Website
THE PATTERN OF MY lABYRINTH
a CLASSIC 7 CIRCUIT
My 5 year old Grandson walking the Labyrinth
The Labyrinth is about 45 feet across with prairie grass paths and rock edges.
It is adorned with garden ornaments
This labyrinth has been built as a healing tool for me and anyone that calls and would like to experience its healing power. I will be having Labyrinth celebration days. And will also look forward to celebrating World Labyrinth Day 2012 by myself or with any others that would like to join me...I will serve up refreshments and it will be a great time to share and walk...it is a very empowering experience.This will be on Saturday May 5th so if you are interested mark it on your calendar now...My place is very easy to get to . On all paved roads.....
Read here about the special day
http://labyrinthsociety.org/world-labyrinth-day
If you would like to come please e-mail me and provide your mailing address so I can send you a package on Labyrinths and an official invitation with wha tto wear and anything you might want to bring along...
February 12th Crocus Creek
I have been spoiling my mule deer . I know its warm I know they don't need any extra food.....but they eat the candy!!!!
a few of the 31 I counted toniteI have been over thinking everything lately. So it is time to start acting and stop some of this obsessive thinking. I know where that leads and I would prefer not to go there....
I am going to find a choir to sing in as it has been a life long dream of mine to sing and in a choir would be wonderful.
I am going to get back to CURVES the place that helped me build my endurance and feel healthy 8 years ago.
I am going to get massages , acupuncture or whatever I can to help this aching neck. It hurts so bad it has become unbearable.
AND I think I have found 2 kittens for Charlotte. The lady I got Piper from came for a visit with a young man that has several available and in April two for them will be mine...I would like 2 orange ones and he has two ......but they must be males ...A male costs $150 to neuter and it is over $265 to spay a female cat. so it only make sense ...After all I spent over $1500.00 on vet bills on my farm cats up to now. That's why Tom loves Charlotte so much now ...but actually take $1500 divide by 5 equals 300. Had 3 for most for those years so 300 divided by 3 equals 100 . Hell that is only 100 a year for mouse and gopher catching duties.....If they will just quit leaving the little dead critters on my step...(shows they appreciate me!!!)
Anyway I am going to do these things... For me..
I went for a quad ride today over in to the back corner of our land., It is in the back corner where our land meets the park that things are most natural. It is time for the bucks to lose their antlers and we had seen a few without so decided I would walk a few of the ravines and look for any they might have dropped back there.
Not everyone knows but deer grow and lose their antlers every year. At about this time every year they lose the antlers they have been carrying... then a new antler starts growing almost immediately. The bucks go into seclusion at this time of year because as the antlers grow they are soft bone covered in blood filled hair"velvet".They continue to grow in mass and height throughout the spring and summer. IN the early fall there is a hormonal change and the velvet reaches a stage where it can peel off. After that the antlers are hard and they scrape them over and over on trees posts etc. to not only get all the velvet off but to mark their territory, The antlers become bigger as the buck gets older and then they get smaller after the buck reaches his peak . The antlers are weapons when the rut"mating season" is on . There are many viscous fights and many deer end up with deep scars from these fights for dominance. Some deer lose their lives due to a stabbing blow or others meet their fate when antlers get locked together and can't come apart.
I didn't find a single antler but what I did find was it was absolutely beautiful day to walk in the hills. The snow was shallow and the wind non existent when I was down in the valley. A hawk flew up in front of me totally surprising me as they are not usually here at this time of year.. With the weather we have been having it probably will be common as I venture out more and more.
My daughter is going through a trying time with health issues...again .
I appreciate all your prayers for her to get help quickly this year and to heal even faster....
Love you Kimmy!!
Saturday 4 February 2012
LIfe is a Lesson. Everyone Our Teacher.
Those words "Life is a Lesson, Everyone Our Teacher. "are some that I read a long time ago...I have battled depression over 1/2 of my life and one of the lines that sticks out from all of those that mattered ,as I travelled on my journey of self help, is this one.
Tuesday evening smothered in grief I decided to walk my labyrinth to sort out some of the emotion I was feeling . Because the line said life is a lesson.....but what was I to take from the death of a friend that was so special to me? If life is a lesson everyone our teacher what is the role of death?
So across the valley and on to the plateau where my labyrinth is I walked. Tears flowed down my cheeks and I let my two feet that I could not feel take me there. I was numb and I was broken hearted....
As I reached the entrance to my circular path,with its rocky edges, I thanked Mother Nature for going easy on the snow this winter so I was able to access it easily in this time of need. I had sought out the healing power of the labyrinth many times before.
I faced the west as I do when I start and prayed Dear Lord help me find some comfort and understanding in this death ...Help me to see how losing someone so unexpectedly and so suddenly can be of any benefit to me ...at all...Cause right now God it doesn't feel that way ..Why was Jack taken so soon from us ............so soon from his life....
I started to walk , trusting the power of the Labyrinth to bring me some sanity to the insane, all over the place mind, I owned at that moment..
I started walking and thinking you know he was such a gentle soul God .. he cared for all he met , he shared his caring self with all . He respected nature and went out of his was for his animals maybe more so than his human friends they, got all of him. He loved his family and always looked forward to the visits of the far away ones when they came to the farm.The farm he worked daily to keep alive! The farm that he cherished . He complained at times of the hard work and the aches and pains he faced on rising in the morning ..if he had slept...he didn't sleep much he often told us...He had worked cutting trees through his life to earn extra income. His arms were strong and his hands were well worn. He tended to his garden. He grew a garden so big ...why we would ask him why so big ? Cut your work load down Jack....but he grew a big garden and he shared...he shared his Potatoes and many varieties came my way and I imagine to others as well. .He knew the names I just know some had white flesh, yellow flesh, or purple . Some over wintered better than others and some were better for baking...he shared the potatoes and the knowledge. It would start in early spring with his tomatoes and in the heat boxes to get them a good start for planting time. The potatoes were planted one at a time with a spade and a step to pack them in. Tom tried to talk him in to cultivating the land where the potatoes would go and then to just step them in as he had done with his parents and how we do it now....Nope spade and pack...He would ask me how to plant this or how did I plant that and in the beginning I would provide little tips from my little garden and he would share some with me. I loved to see him out in his garden ...It was another job ...he did well.
Jack was by today's standards a hoarder...I prefer to say collector . He could not part with anything that meant anything and most things that were part of Jack's life meant something ......to him. He had sheds filled with items that no one had an idea were there...But if someone mentioned they needed something that he knew he had ...well he had it out and showing it to you in minutes. Offering it to you ...although if you used it and were done with it he made sure you knew to bring it back. AND he kept track trust me!! He had every chainsaw he had ever owned , every snow machine , every thing that made up his collection...to me that was alright that was who Jack was and that is what Jack wanted....that is what made him happy. His things, his animals, his farm that is what made him happy.
Beaver Then there was "Jackie Bushman " we called him... . He grew up in the bush and it was second nature for him to be able to walk through the bush and walk back out no problem. My Son Rion was fortunate enough ot have spent many hours with Jack in the forest. They would explore and discover many great finds together . Rion credits Jack for his love of the forest and his ability to make his way around without getting lost.. .Jack hunted with a gun when we met him. My hubby gave him a bow and some arrows . It had been Tom's first bow and now it was Jacks he took to it and never looked back . He shot his animals with bow and arrow from then on. His picture was in the awards book proudly several years. Tom would tease him as he was now a trophy hunter he didn't hunt for meat anymore. He has won several awards and well deserved for harvesting a trophy with his bow.
I remembered how he treated each and every hunter that had to come to him to ask permission to cross his pasture land to get into the forest to hunt. He was friendly and usually would see them again at the kitchen table for a coffee.
There were so many things I thought of as I walked putting one foot in front of the other following the path until I reached the middle of the labyrinth...I stopped looked west and my mind slowed down....my sobs turned into tears flowing gently down my cheeks....The sky was blue with a few clouds scattered about in a feathery fashion...
I thanked God for having let me meet Jack and for providing my family with the opportunity to live along and grow with him . I was thankful he had been my husbands best friend and the best type of friend he could have had. I was thankful for my son and my daughter being able to experience a man with such a kind a caring nature as part of their childhood and right into their adult lives. My daughter in law and Grandson and all of the friends we took there with us. He gave something of himself to each of us and all of them ....
As I headed out of the centre I focused on the question at hand,"What did I learn from this death ..."The answers came quickly and were numerous.
Jack was my teacher.....I care for my animals in the ways he did his. I love them and I respect them and they are very important in my life....
He taught me that work was important he worked all the time ...I don't think he enjoyed to work all the time ......regardless he did what he needed to do and complained little As he would say " What do you do?" I realized I need to work on this one.
He taught me how to treat people with respect and love and that in turn it would come back to you. I have been doing my best with this one.
He taught me that friendship is not based on expectations. I say yes that is so!
He taught me that family comes first . AMEN!
My ParentsHe taught me that it was good to share the things we harvest. That's reflected in my huge garden.
He taught me to be gentle in my actions . Need to work on this one.
He taught me to eat well . Thanks Jack we were junk food junkies before you!
He taught me to listen and he taught me it was okay to share with some one we trusted. :)
Most of all thought he taught me in dying that he abided by one of the most important lessons in life....
Live today like there will be no tomorrow ........Life is a privilege and can be taken away at anytime..
You left to soon my friend ...Thank you Jack .... May you Rest in Peace
Love forever Sheila
Tuesday evening smothered in grief I decided to walk my labyrinth to sort out some of the emotion I was feeling . Because the line said life is a lesson.....but what was I to take from the death of a friend that was so special to me? If life is a lesson everyone our teacher what is the role of death?
So across the valley and on to the plateau where my labyrinth is I walked. Tears flowed down my cheeks and I let my two feet that I could not feel take me there. I was numb and I was broken hearted....
As I reached the entrance to my circular path,with its rocky edges, I thanked Mother Nature for going easy on the snow this winter so I was able to access it easily in this time of need. I had sought out the healing power of the labyrinth many times before.
I faced the west as I do when I start and prayed Dear Lord help me find some comfort and understanding in this death ...Help me to see how losing someone so unexpectedly and so suddenly can be of any benefit to me ...at all...Cause right now God it doesn't feel that way ..Why was Jack taken so soon from us ............so soon from his life....
I started to walk , trusting the power of the Labyrinth to bring me some sanity to the insane, all over the place mind, I owned at that moment..
I started walking and thinking you know he was such a gentle soul God .. he cared for all he met , he shared his caring self with all . He respected nature and went out of his was for his animals maybe more so than his human friends they, got all of him. He loved his family and always looked forward to the visits of the far away ones when they came to the farm.The farm he worked daily to keep alive! The farm that he cherished . He complained at times of the hard work and the aches and pains he faced on rising in the morning ..if he had slept...he didn't sleep much he often told us...He had worked cutting trees through his life to earn extra income. His arms were strong and his hands were well worn. He tended to his garden. He grew a garden so big ...why we would ask him why so big ? Cut your work load down Jack....but he grew a big garden and he shared...he shared his Potatoes and many varieties came my way and I imagine to others as well. .He knew the names I just know some had white flesh, yellow flesh, or purple . Some over wintered better than others and some were better for baking...he shared the potatoes and the knowledge. It would start in early spring with his tomatoes and in the heat boxes to get them a good start for planting time. The potatoes were planted one at a time with a spade and a step to pack them in. Tom tried to talk him in to cultivating the land where the potatoes would go and then to just step them in as he had done with his parents and how we do it now....Nope spade and pack...He would ask me how to plant this or how did I plant that and in the beginning I would provide little tips from my little garden and he would share some with me. I loved to see him out in his garden ...It was another job ...he did well.
Jack was by today's standards a hoarder...I prefer to say collector . He could not part with anything that meant anything and most things that were part of Jack's life meant something ......to him. He had sheds filled with items that no one had an idea were there...But if someone mentioned they needed something that he knew he had ...well he had it out and showing it to you in minutes. Offering it to you ...although if you used it and were done with it he made sure you knew to bring it back. AND he kept track trust me!! He had every chainsaw he had ever owned , every snow machine , every thing that made up his collection...to me that was alright that was who Jack was and that is what Jack wanted....that is what made him happy. His things, his animals, his farm that is what made him happy.
Beaver I remembered how he treated each and every hunter that had to come to him to ask permission to cross his pasture land to get into the forest to hunt. He was friendly and usually would see them again at the kitchen table for a coffee.
There were so many things I thought of as I walked putting one foot in front of the other following the path until I reached the middle of the labyrinth...I stopped looked west and my mind slowed down....my sobs turned into tears flowing gently down my cheeks....The sky was blue with a few clouds scattered about in a feathery fashion...
I thanked God for having let me meet Jack and for providing my family with the opportunity to live along and grow with him . I was thankful he had been my husbands best friend and the best type of friend he could have had. I was thankful for my son and my daughter being able to experience a man with such a kind a caring nature as part of their childhood and right into their adult lives. My daughter in law and Grandson and all of the friends we took there with us. He gave something of himself to each of us and all of them ....
As I headed out of the centre I focused on the question at hand,"What did I learn from this death ..."The answers came quickly and were numerous.
Jack was my teacher.....I care for my animals in the ways he did his. I love them and I respect them and they are very important in my life....
He taught me how to treat people with respect and love and that in turn it would come back to you. I have been doing my best with this one.
He taught me that friendship is not based on expectations. I say yes that is so!
He taught me that family comes first . AMEN!
My ParentsHe taught me to be gentle in my actions . Need to work on this one.
He taught me to eat well . Thanks Jack we were junk food junkies before you!
He taught me to listen and he taught me it was okay to share with some one we trusted. :)
Most of all thought he taught me in dying that he abided by one of the most important lessons in life....
Live today like there will be no tomorrow ........Life is a privilege and can be taken away at anytime..
Love forever Sheila
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Interesting or I just think too much??
I noticed how interesting it was Jack passed Sunday...Sunday I lived life as I chose...I laid in bed with my puppies ..I wanted a mellow day ...watched a few movies and rested my aching neck. Monday I got up for work...the usual feed the dogs take my herbs and decide whats for supper. Lights out doors locked and off to work with Tom. Kim had MRI in Regina and other than that uneventful day. Tuesday we did the same routine . On the way into Moose Jaw we sang to a few good old songs on the radio and mentioned how the station was a good one for the good old songs we new the words to. Work was hectic.Something unexpected I had to use all my "lawyer" skills to fight a dispute with one of our clients that was causing us a tremendous amount of grief it was all consuming for me...although I caught myself several times getting tenses and stopped myself and then slowing down my mind and body I proceeded to gather the information and create the best defence without making a mess of myself which I have been really good at doing in the past! Off for a wonderful lunch at DeJa Vu one of the best meals we had lately . Back to the job at hand and I got through it and do hope to win . Felt very confident..but it had taken me away from all the other jobs I had lined up for the day..so I headed back to my own office ...when ...my usually stoic husband came through the door.........sobbing..and collapsing into the chair. I knew something absolutely awful had happened....My thoughts went to parents or siblings I could only guess what on earth was wrong.. He struggled to tell me and when those two words came out of his mouth...............Jack died..I ..cant explain what happened ...
I just tried to explain.......and I can't.
Tom on our pond up north.After absorbing it and thinking many things and realizing it was true driving home it hit me...........I had found out 48 hours after he passed. I wasn't mad for no one telling me ,please don't think that ...it was the fact that for 48 hours I had lived my life like nothing had happened..48 hours my world had changed drastically and I ...well I hadn't noticed...I hadn't noticed that the person we had called friend for over 25 years wasn't feeding his cows or pigs.....wasn't petting his dog or peeling his orange to sit down and eat it with a glass of milk before bed.....I ........hadn't noticed......I hadn't noticed that that old recliner he sank down into sat empty for 2 nights or that his bed wasn't slept in.....or that it was Len his brother putting the logs on the fire those nights.....I hadn't noticed that he hadn't taken a breath .
I had lost someone that new me better than many others I have called my friend ...those spring nights when the boys would go hunting and I would head on over to catch Jack doing his chores. I would follow him around in those early years and we would talk about things, many things.....we would talk about gardening..or who drove the old car last that was parked in the corner of the farm yard...rusted and full of many items Jack couldn't part with. He would introduce the most recent born calf to me and tell me which one he had bottle fed the year before and as he introduced us the yearling would come and nuzzle him lifting his hand for a pet...or perhaps still looking for that calfing bottle Jack used to offer him. a trip into the old barn and feed the one kitten on the ledge who Jack went out of his way to feed because the other cats picked on him and then there was the little orange one that had a bad eye that would need to be picked up out of the way of the others so he would get his share too... There were the injured cows most people would butcher ...not Jack he separated them and fed them and cared for them individually until they were well enough to rejoin the herd...We gathered the eggs ...Jacks yard wasn't the most tidy..we would find eggs under edges of old tires ...in amongst a pile of tools, even in an old boot that was torn apart and discarded he knew where to look but me it was like easter every time we gathered....Then into the chicken coop he would have just rigged up for this years new chicks.... he always got them just toward the end of bear hunting season .... if I was lucky and came up on the right weekend I would get to see them...chickens and turkeys....I spent hours and hours with him ... we talked and we walked and the dogs walked with us .. the dogs he had tamed to not chase his pets...the many Whitetail deer that lived on his land...we did all the things friends would do....for many years on our trips to the farm....
and for 48 hours it had all changed ...and I didn't notice.......
I think I think too much....
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Loss
Today we discovered that one of our very special people in our lives has passed. Jack Chernysh.....no one else will ever take his place. He lived on a little farm on the edge of the town of Prairie River Saskatchewan....When we met him he lived there with his mom and his older brother Len... Their dad had died years before and the boys promised to remain on the farm and care for their mother...til she died . She died about 10 years ago...
We were up bear hunting north of Jacks place when we met him . Rion tells the story best today with tears in his eyes. We would be camped in our tent usually in snow and Jack would ride up on his quad every night for his visit. He was so calm and quiet and seemed to not have a worry in the world . HE was an"Northerner and liked to tease us "southerners" Would laugh at how we did things and teach us how "northerners" did things and it was better. He didn't want to hunt bears but he was always eager to tag along baiting and getting to know all of us...We always had lots of young hunters with us and there was nothing we loved more than sitting around the campfire at night sharing stories and listening to Jack do his phenomenal wolf call...Hmm just remembered him and Zak my grandson having a wolf call competition this spring ...so glad Zak got to meet and love Jack.
He was skidooing on Sunday. He got a new pup in the fall after losing his 2 elderly dogs in the early part of 2011 the pup loved to run alongside the skidoo and that is what they left the farm to do early Sunday mornig...Lunch came and went and Jack didn't come home for lunch or to do his chores. Len his older brother worried but waited anxiously..by 5:30 pm he knew something was wrong and called the neighbours who jumped on their skidoos and headed to look for him.....They found Jack , dog by his side, face down in the snow....right in an area he called his "favourite spot" He had gotten stuck then gotten unstuck seemed he sat down to rest and then his heart gave out...he died right there in his spot.
His dog stayed with the skidoo after Jack was taken away....It wasn't until the coroner drove the skidoo the 1/2 mile or so back to the farm that he followed and then he went to lay beside the vehicle Jack laid in....and stayed there and followed it out of the yard ...when they tried to leave. They had to drive back into the yard and the put the dog in the house..the first time Jack would leave the farm without his latest four legged best friend.....He had had many.. Max and Sam and Skipper and now I forget his name DUKE OH but the story is they got this latest dog and named it the very masculine name and afterwards discovered it was a female....its a complex story Jack wasn't dumb!!! the guy that sold him the dog said it was a boy and well until they became close Jack just didnt didn't notice it was a girl..But even after the discovery they had wanted a boy dog had decided on Duke and she remained Duke.So I teased Jack last time I was there and said you got to call it Duchess now ..I would say here Duchess and he would say NO SHEILA IT IS DUKE...so man's best friend remained Duke and ....will always be called Duke by me. I will reminisce more about Jack on here in days to come .....He was my husbands best friend like another brother and his heart is breaking right now knowing there wont be anymore 2 1/2 hour phone calls where they can discuss guns and bows and solve the world problems together...hunting trips together in the Moose shack or quad rides back into the forest with a picnic lunch. My heart aches at my loss but more for Tom...it is sad to lose a damn good friend....very sad
We were up bear hunting north of Jacks place when we met him . Rion tells the story best today with tears in his eyes. We would be camped in our tent usually in snow and Jack would ride up on his quad every night for his visit. He was so calm and quiet and seemed to not have a worry in the world . HE was an"Northerner and liked to tease us "southerners" Would laugh at how we did things and teach us how "northerners" did things and it was better. He didn't want to hunt bears but he was always eager to tag along baiting and getting to know all of us...We always had lots of young hunters with us and there was nothing we loved more than sitting around the campfire at night sharing stories and listening to Jack do his phenomenal wolf call...Hmm just remembered him and Zak my grandson having a wolf call competition this spring ...so glad Zak got to meet and love Jack.
He was skidooing on Sunday. He got a new pup in the fall after losing his 2 elderly dogs in the early part of 2011 the pup loved to run alongside the skidoo and that is what they left the farm to do early Sunday mornig...Lunch came and went and Jack didn't come home for lunch or to do his chores. Len his older brother worried but waited anxiously..by 5:30 pm he knew something was wrong and called the neighbours who jumped on their skidoos and headed to look for him.....They found Jack , dog by his side, face down in the snow....right in an area he called his "favourite spot" He had gotten stuck then gotten unstuck seemed he sat down to rest and then his heart gave out...he died right there in his spot.
His dog stayed with the skidoo after Jack was taken away....It wasn't until the coroner drove the skidoo the 1/2 mile or so back to the farm that he followed and then he went to lay beside the vehicle Jack laid in....and stayed there and followed it out of the yard ...when they tried to leave. They had to drive back into the yard and the put the dog in the house..the first time Jack would leave the farm without his latest four legged best friend.....He had had many.. Max and Sam and Skipper and now I forget his name DUKE OH but the story is they got this latest dog and named it the very masculine name and afterwards discovered it was a female....its a complex story Jack wasn't dumb!!! the guy that sold him the dog said it was a boy and well until they became close Jack just didnt didn't notice it was a girl..But even after the discovery they had wanted a boy dog had decided on Duke and she remained Duke.So I teased Jack last time I was there and said you got to call it Duchess now ..I would say here Duchess and he would say NO SHEILA IT IS DUKE...so man's best friend remained Duke and ....will always be called Duke by me. I will reminisce more about Jack on here in days to come .....He was my husbands best friend like another brother and his heart is breaking right now knowing there wont be anymore 2 1/2 hour phone calls where they can discuss guns and bows and solve the world problems together...hunting trips together in the Moose shack or quad rides back into the forest with a picnic lunch. My heart aches at my loss but more for Tom...it is sad to lose a damn good friend....very sad
Monday 30 January 2012
A Change of Perception
Nothing has seemed good nothing has seemed right......The different things I have had to put up with ...and fight for....my daughters health problems, work pressures, aging parents that I adore and the death of my cats. Fighting dogs and one messy husband .LOL....
Tonight I stepped outside to check on Charlotte....there she was greeting me with a meow right on the doorstep ....I found her brush tucked away in her house and proceeded to brush her. ... She squirmed under the bristles of the brush delighting on the caress of each stroke across her winter coat....I started to sing....Dream a little Dream of Me ... Mama Cass....I belted it out you know " sing like no one is listening."....well that was me ..and Charlotte responded with purrs and rolls on the platform I was grooming her on....It hit me here is this little animal ....one of God's creatures and she is just pleased to be fed and sheltered .She has survived thunderstorms in a magpie nest at only days old. Survived torn sutures after being spayed (she escaped a room in the old house we kept them in by clawing her way through a screen jumping 30 feet to the ground ) her intestines were literally seconds away from falling out through her skin when I discovered the problem and rushed her to the vet...She has had and lost all 4 kittens and regardless of what anyone tells me I know she misses them. She has no doubt escaped coyotes and many other dangers as a farm cat ...yet here she purrs as I sing....
Then to make things a little more clearer to me out of the hedge rows walks a big buck. The biggest oldest buck on Crocus Creek. Yep it is Spikey...Here I am singing loudly (it would scare most humans away) and in walks Spikey. He watches me comb Charlotte and I think back to when he was just a small buck. He was a spike buck the first winter we lived here ...hence Spikey....he was small at year and a half but he was mighty!!! That winter we had Big Bucky , Rudolph(he had a red sore on his nose) Mikey and many other bucks ...and many more have followed but none have survived for the length of time we have been here except Spikey.....Hmm I though Charlotte and Spikey have both been here atleast 5 1/2 years. then I stopped and realized what Spikey had endured as a wild mule deer. The speeding cars that had no doubt had near misses with hitting him in the summer as he crossed the usually quiet highways....In the winter there is no traffic but in the summer lake traffic increases vehicle numbers 100 fold. The hungry coyotes that hunger for his flesh on the cold winter days ...and ohhh those cold winter days....that first winter we lived here when at 50 below with the wind chill the young deer cried outside my bedroom window and brought tears to my eyes...the harsh winds the agricultural chemical sprays and that rough spell he had in 2010. We though he would die. By the end of January 2011 he lost his antlers before the rest of the bucks and literaly was chased away from the food by the bucks with their antlers ....they poked and prodded him almost relentlesly cause they knew they could... He was skinny and weary...so different from the young Spikey that would chase and torment all the other deer away from the food in his early years..Karma maybe....I felt obliged and made great effort to get food to him . I would gain his trust and scare the other bucks away. He realized if I stood by the food I placed on the ground for him the other deer would run away and he could get his fill. It worked and well he survived the harshest winter since we moved out here. It was the trust I gained that time that likely made it easy for him to come in to my singing tonight..I gave him some deer candy as a gift...he slowly walked in and ate some... then walked away
It was at that moment I realized I think too much ...and too negatively.....I wondered what kind of animal population we would have if they walked around in self pity mode all the time...They breathe and live survival....they trust ...trust in something greater than them Instinctively...
and they enjoy their simple pleasures that nature provides....and endure the hardships..
So my miserable life.....is in my control...and it starts with my thinking and the ability to trust .....tonight I had a change of Perception..thanks Spikey...thanks Charlotte...and thanks Amber....that is another story.....
Take Time and Take Good Care!!
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