I will write this blog and spill my thoughts regardless of those that think its a pity trip or others that will think it's all bull shit!
I feel like crap day in and day out! It is frustrating to wake up and face the day feeling like a bag of shit!
I came to know a young lady recently and it's her I think of when I write this! Sometimes I can be all nicey, nice but right now I just want to say no one gets it NO ONE gets it at all! Bits and pieces of what I put up with maybe but not this whole package I deal with on a daily basis!
The young lady I speak of was in a bad accident years ago ! She doesn't know but I prayed and prayed for that little girl and now she faces life in a wheel chair! I thought to myself you know I really have nothing to complain about compared to this lady nothing! I contemplated all her hardships all the inconveniences and upsets presented to her on a regular daily basis! How down right selfish of me to think I should feel any sorrow or any strife with my few inadequacies!
Then Somewhere in the back of my head I heard her ! Ah ***k it. Let it go we all get sick of our own bull shit ! It doesn't matter what form it's in if it seems worse for you than it does for me ***k it!
Let It ALL OUT!
SO I will I am so tired of pretending I am strong or feel good at all I don't ***k it !I hurt I'm dizzy I'm confused and barely feel like myself! I'm sad and I'm angry I can't walk without feeling like I'm falling!
I don't eat this and that or drink this or that so I can feel better well bull shit! Tired of trying massages, acupuncture ,cranial sacral, herbal remedies ,herbs vitamins natural paths reflexologist ,psychics doctor specialists meditation relaxation yoga and all over 30 years
I am sick dammit and ***king sick of it! I've had 24 hour flu for nearly 30 years.
Somedays might be better than others in reality it is when I am stronger and better at hiding it!
I do damn well for what I've been dealt with and I am proud of my many accomplishments .I work on accepting things for how they are and then some times when it hurts too much and it's hard to bear I just say ***k it!
Tomorrow will be better.
Thursday 28 November 2013
Friday 15 November 2013
We have had a pile of snow last year??? It is that kind of winter that can take alot of wildlife out. Grouse , partridges and the song birds that stick around find it impossible to scratch through the snow and ice to get to anything that might remain nutritious. When you live in the city you have no concept of how wildlife struggles to survive the long cold gruelling prairie winters.
I happen to be fortunate enough to be able to assist the deer that live near me.
We are hunters and have a thriving taxidermy business. Wildlife is what puts the bread and butter on our family's tables. Hunting provides meats to go along with the bread and butter..... We in ways are obligated to look after what we feel is a gift from nature.
THE Saskatchewan Environment Department will tell you different. DO NOT feed the deer! Leave it to nature !!! The strong will survive and the weak will die...It is all a part of nature...
I beg to differ......What is natural about how our deer have to forage these days?
When I first came to be a hunter I spent alot of time in the field in the fall. Crops would ripen with the sun and it was a good fall if you got your crop off by beginning of October. AS I would walk to my tree stand I could see life everywhere in the field I crossed.If it wasn't harvested the deer were nearby waiting for dusk so they could sneak in and get the last few bites of the nutritional crop before it met the combine. If it had been harvested there would be lots of green , weeds, regrowth whatever for the deer, and other wildlife to munch on. Life was abundant in the fall of those times.
Now the crops are dessicated by mid August and harvested by the end of August. After the crop comes off the fields they are sprayed to combat weed growth and the other plants take the hit too! The goal to kill any living plant in the field.
BY the time the snow falls the deer that used to live off the fields in what was their "store up" time of year have had to resort to eating in ditches and farmyards. There are slim pickings for our wildlife these days.......
There are many of us that hunt and do taxidermy that feed the deer. I am thankful to all of you that do. I have seen deer so skinny come into our yard in February that they look close to death, They don't eat much but you would be surprised how a cup of feed a day can carry that deer through to spring. February and March are the hardest months for the deer in a winter like this. Without nutrition all winter they start to weaken.If only branches and dead grass are available they eat it to fill them selves but there is little nutrition and they start to die.
There isn't a deer in my yard that will die from starvation... Not when they know the food God will show up and spread a little food amongst them.....And then there are the deer that know if they just put their noses to the window they are likely to get a handful of ambrosia apples . There are alfalfa bales by the barn, lentils in the barn, sunflower seeds in the shed and lots of apples (for now) on the table.
I happen to be fortunate enough to be able to assist the deer that live near me.
We are hunters and have a thriving taxidermy business. Wildlife is what puts the bread and butter on our family's tables. Hunting provides meats to go along with the bread and butter..... We in ways are obligated to look after what we feel is a gift from nature.
THE Saskatchewan Environment Department will tell you different. DO NOT feed the deer! Leave it to nature !!! The strong will survive and the weak will die...It is all a part of nature...
I beg to differ......What is natural about how our deer have to forage these days?
When I first came to be a hunter I spent alot of time in the field in the fall. Crops would ripen with the sun and it was a good fall if you got your crop off by beginning of October. AS I would walk to my tree stand I could see life everywhere in the field I crossed.If it wasn't harvested the deer were nearby waiting for dusk so they could sneak in and get the last few bites of the nutritional crop before it met the combine. If it had been harvested there would be lots of green , weeds, regrowth whatever for the deer, and other wildlife to munch on. Life was abundant in the fall of those times.
Now the crops are dessicated by mid August and harvested by the end of August. After the crop comes off the fields they are sprayed to combat weed growth and the other plants take the hit too! The goal to kill any living plant in the field.
BY the time the snow falls the deer that used to live off the fields in what was their "store up" time of year have had to resort to eating in ditches and farmyards. There are slim pickings for our wildlife these days.......
There are many of us that hunt and do taxidermy that feed the deer. I am thankful to all of you that do. I have seen deer so skinny come into our yard in February that they look close to death, They don't eat much but you would be surprised how a cup of feed a day can carry that deer through to spring. February and March are the hardest months for the deer in a winter like this. Without nutrition all winter they start to weaken.If only branches and dead grass are available they eat it to fill them selves but there is little nutrition and they start to die.
There isn't a deer in my yard that will die from starvation... Not when they know the food God will show up and spread a little food amongst them.....And then there are the deer that know if they just put their noses to the window they are likely to get a handful of ambrosia apples . There are alfalfa bales by the barn, lentils in the barn, sunflower seeds in the shed and lots of apples (for now) on the table.
Wednesday 13 November 2013
Grief
Grief Good grief. Grief! I never really understood the importance of grieving! I knew it was what I was supposed to do after someone died . Grieve. Feel sad ,grow past ,get over it!
Grief is so much more than that!
I never realized that all losses we experience no matter how slight create an opportunity to kick start the grieving process ! Losing a loved one is an obvious trigger but do we stop and take the time to appreciate the process our body needs to go through?
If we neglect to allow the process all of our losses can add up and build into a huge mass of unresolved grief!
Ever broke a finger nail to find yourself bawling or maybe cried yourself to pieces at the funeral of some one you " just"knew!
That's your minds ability to reach in when presented with a new loss to bring up unresolved grief you have yet to process!
I attended a 10 week grief processing group! It has been life changing! To review my life and the many losses I experienced without recognizing them as such has provided me with a new found ability to do just that!
Losses come in many shapes and sizes and its important to recognize them for what they are and to follow through with the task of processing each !
First accept the reality of the loss and its impact on us!
Second let yourself experience the pain of grief!
Third adjust to the new environment/ life that is changed due to the loss has caused!
Lastly to reinvest the energy into life, loosen ties to the loss. And transform the loss into gain/value..
The 11 women that were in this group were some of the most compassionate and caring I have ever met!
I think it's important to connect with those that will be compassionate and understanding through this time!
So I salute GRIEf. And my new ability to understand it as well as access it!
Take Good Care!
Grief is so much more than that!
I never realized that all losses we experience no matter how slight create an opportunity to kick start the grieving process ! Losing a loved one is an obvious trigger but do we stop and take the time to appreciate the process our body needs to go through?
If we neglect to allow the process all of our losses can add up and build into a huge mass of unresolved grief!
Ever broke a finger nail to find yourself bawling or maybe cried yourself to pieces at the funeral of some one you " just"knew!
That's your minds ability to reach in when presented with a new loss to bring up unresolved grief you have yet to process!
I attended a 10 week grief processing group! It has been life changing! To review my life and the many losses I experienced without recognizing them as such has provided me with a new found ability to do just that!
Losses come in many shapes and sizes and its important to recognize them for what they are and to follow through with the task of processing each !
First accept the reality of the loss and its impact on us!
Second let yourself experience the pain of grief!
Third adjust to the new environment/ life that is changed due to the loss has caused!
Lastly to reinvest the energy into life, loosen ties to the loss. And transform the loss into gain/value..
The 11 women that were in this group were some of the most compassionate and caring I have ever met!
I think it's important to connect with those that will be compassionate and understanding through this time!
So I salute GRIEf. And my new ability to understand it as well as access it!
Take Good Care!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)