Black Pearl is FOR SALE

Well I am sure everyone wants to hear about me and my tie to Black Pearl....my 2010 Matrix I have to find a new home for

Well it all started about 8 years ago....in the Little City of Moose Jaw...

I drove down Grace Street everyday and I noticed this little white car that seemed abandoned in a drive way.. It wasn't in great shape but it seemed to need a new owner.... I had an old Toyota (89 or something  I loved them old Toyotas) anyway I had been hit in it and it got written off... I woudl drive by this little Nissan Sentra and say almost jokingly that little baby will be mine...it wasn't even for sale SO Tom didn't quite get how it would be mine... I even joked about how I could just go knock in the door and beg them to sell it to me....followed by glares of " are you an idiot or what?" looks...

Well I gave up on the little white car   and went vehicless for some time.....then one day my sons friend came in to our shop...HE was sad his Aunt had died...he was in charge of selling her house and car...Well where was this house and car?????ON the corner of Grace and 11th Avenue.....
the same little car I had wanted to and for some reason new I would own was for sale!!!! I had first chance.
I looked at the car with all its dents and imperfections and I said sold...
Rions friend was happy and shared many stories about his aunt and how this car was special to her....

One day I was out in my drive way tidying and cleaning my "new" car it was by the way a 1990..far from new.
My neighbour came across and said OMG you have Pearl's car...Pearl???she said yes she was a teacher with me....She was a horrible driver and when she would go to park in the lot you just prayed she didn't park near you ,,,,and if you parked after her you parked miles away. All in attempt to avoid a collision with Pearl....  She told me one time Pearl had driven off the Riverhurst ferry straight in to the river with her parents on board,,,apparently the lady Pearl that owned the car before me ......had a reputation similar to me...................I had been in many accidents not any were my fault but none the less I had acquired the name "CRASH"

Well well I decided right then and there that the cars name would be Pearl and I would be watched over when driving by  Angel Pearl the previous owner......Rions friends aunt..
I drove that dinged up little white car for over three years ACCIDENT FREE!!!!!!!!!!!

Well along came the year I would turn 50...It was time for  a Brand New Car I decided,,,,I had never owned a brand new one figured I was finally old enough ...lol... so I went to Toyota and decided on the Matrix....as I was looking through the brochures my salesman came in and said "Guess what a brand new 2010 Matrix just came in the doors" I said what colour?  His reply "Black Pearl"  Well I heard that and said SOLD!

I sold "white" Pearl to a lady Amber knew and she called her Pearl right up until the day she sold it ...
after all we all can use a guardian angel while driving...She told the story of Pearl when she sold it and I  think the new owner was going to call the Sentra Pearl as well.

So Black Pearl is up for sale......I didn't have a Pearl connection with my Subaru I asked Zak if I should call her orange Pearl...he thought not..didn't sound right he said...so Lil Pumpkin she will be...

What about Pearl...???

Well I moved my dad into a care home this week....on Sunday I went into the staff room to get the key for his room. I told them I was here for the key for my dads room. Tyson Wolfe...room 206...

The lady replied "OH Pearls room!!!"" 

Yes I am sure we still have Pearl with us.....I know now she is right where I need her ............watching over my dad....

Thanks Pearl....you are my angel for sure...

2010 Matrix Black Pearl for sale any takers???

que sera sera what ever will be will be See you at Chez Nous "with us"

Well it has been a tougher than usual  two days.

After 56 years of being together my mom and dad will be living apart starting Monday of next week.
It is sad that it has to be the way it is...Dad needs care and mom need rest.

He will be moving in to Chez Nous in Moose Jaw . A big old residence that nuns lived in has been converted into a seniors home.( I had originally typed a big old nuns residence but I knew what I would hear from all the Wallace clan.....Was she that big)
ANYWAY

The first thing I noticed when I walked in to the building was a feeling of warmth . Then as I met residents came the feeling of  contentment...these people seemed very happy and they interacted with me and the staff showing me around like we were all family. Nice indeed.
Its bright its warm and it is very very  homey....

Dads room will be off the activity room for now.. There might be a change we will see how that goes.
Might be too much activity for him and then again it might be just what he needs ....

Mom liked Chez Nous when I took her today...I think she felt ready to move in too. The nice thing is when she is ready she can move in ...They will find them a bigger room and make it work...

Remember I had to think of the cat for now..
Mulberry is the only place that will take a cat. So mom will live with Sammer and she can visit dad and we can even take Sammer to visit .. Sammer just can't live at Chez Nous..Dad loves Sammy so that is really good..  Kim can take her Min Pin too  the residents will love her

Anyway just had this all to say .... shedding a few tears as we enter this next stage of life....
Take Care

Check Out Chez Nous on the Net. Nice Place

A Poster made by me hung alongside my bed when I was a teenager.....I wasn't  a Black Sabbath fan so Much and I am not even sure where I found the words in their song but here they are...

Just remember love is life
And hate is living death
Treat your life for what its worth
And live for every breath
Looking back I've lived and learned
But now I'm wondering
Here I wait and only guess
What this next life will bring

The words must have meant something to the 16 year old girl I was at the time...
and as I age the meaning becomes clearer and clearer........

Today I found myself thinking the words and examining the meaning...
what did it mean to me then????? why was it important enough for me to create a large poster that I would read every night before bed....words that I would carry with me through life....
Obviously I was thinking about life and how to live it and death and the mystery of it....
Today  I see my parents aging.....I see myself  aging ..

My dad said to me to day ....he wished he could be young again....I said I wish you could be too.....I told him how shitty I thought it was that just when we get things figured out our time is gone..
He agreed and the conversation ended.....

THE words in the song have me reflecting and wondering not about the next life but about life as I know it now......life as i have lived it to this point... I know there is no going back . As I see the changes my parents are going through I see even more necessity in living life for what its worth...What is it worth....is there a value......there is ....there is value in each breath we take ...there is value in the relationships we are in, value in the air we breathe and value in existence.....

I have hated ...too much and loved too little all the while doing my best to do neither.....

The more I love the better I feel inside and out.... I live
When I hate ....I am bitter and callus and cruel....I die


I think today I will venture in to my new life......one that I do my very best to Love and make each breath worthwhile.....why wait....why wonder????why guess........

I have lived and learned ........now to live and love...

Thanks Black Sabbath maybe soon I will listen to this song

I have never heard it..................

Goodbye 2013 Hello 2014

I sit here thinking about the year that just was.... and the year that will be....
the pressing question is ...what can I do to improve me , my life, my world..
In 2013 there was the winter that wouldn't end , the spring that never was and the calmest summer I can recall for  sometime.....
There were reunions with old friends and visits from far away guests. Hard times and good times...
There were a few deaths that I want to mention ....Mrs. Boyd... a lady that was a significant part of my child hood....she was the mother of 8 children . A lady that cared for foster children eventually adopting a young girl with cerebral palsy....Her husband died when her youngest child was around 9 .
How do I remember Joan Boyd.... I remember her calling her boys in for super or for bedtime...Roger , Neil, Gene and if you ask any of us that were kids in those days they will tell you it is one of their most memorable memories of her......I have other special memories like the shower she had for me when my son was born and the day she taught me how to make choke cherry juice and jelly.  RIP Joan your memory lives on in many of us... Her daughter died too a short time later.... RIP Sandy.

MY aunt Sharon Wallace passed on this year as well... My memories of Sharon when I was a little girl are of a very beautiful and well spoken lady that always dressed well and rarely did I see her without a smile on her face.... She fought the BIG C battle and she never lost ........not in my eyes ........she went down fighting..... Aunt Sharon would call me and we would chat ....her encouragement in those phone calls regarding my parents was always welcomed and I miss them...... RIP aunt Sharon .....you live on in your children and grand children.....all beautiful well spoken and somewhat well dressed....kidding cousins....and some of the most beautiful smiles....You are with my uncle your husband once more.
Someone died just the day before last ....In the hospital where my dad is a patient....right across the hall....she wasn't someone that brought back childhood memories or anyone I was related to. She was a resident at Mulberry Estates where my parents live.....She was always in a wheelchair and had to be on oxygen all the time ... She sat at a table in the dining room with the wife of a man who had died and had been my carpenter at work.and also  with a lady whose grandson had been my sons friend...he had been killed...This lady's name was Sylvia......when Sylvia died ,,,when the nurses told me they were moving a body and that we must stay in the room with door closed I took a deep breath and wondered if it was the poor dear ... the lady that smiled behind that oxygen mask , the lady that dressed up for Halloween and the lady that I found one day locked out of her suite.....scared and panicking .....the lady whose hand I took in mine and said it would be OK that I would get her help . I checked her room when I could leave dad's and it was her....that had died.....
I spoke to Sylvia on Christmas Day.......just like I always did when I visited the table at lunch or when I met her in the hall...I wished her a Merry Christmas !   In the elevator on the way up to get my dad for Christmas supper I  didn't know it would be her last....RIP Sylvia
 IN 2013 I learned that Life is precious..
I complain alot on Face Book about not feeling well and I am sure happy to have so many caring friends . I honestly don't know what I would do without you all . I used to belong to a forum for depression and shared with people that also had depression.....the nice thing is most of you have either experienced depression or know someone that has ..unlike the forum however I find you all to be upbeat and many of you have helped me through times that were really tough....I thank YOU all with all my heart I appreciate each and everyone of you... I don't reach out looking for sympathy or out of pity for myself it is for understanding and compassion and you provide those things...Again Thank you....Very Much

I learned alot this past week....especially to be thankful

Christmas Eve day we worked we spent the early part of the afternoon handing out bonus checks and gifts and having a chat. I went to visit my folks around 3 only to find out they had gone to the hospital before lunch...I was shocked... Mom always calls me when something is up.....I panicked  then I gathered myself and headed to the hospital...I found mom at the reception desk trying to get them to call me.... Mom has trouble with communicating and was having a tough time ...the relief on her face and in my heart when we saw each other was immense. I continued to the ER with mom to find dad waved to the Dr through the glass and got all their info figured out. Dad has dementia so the Poor Dr was pretty confused ....Regardless I was happy to find them and discover that their trip to ER was only for a belly pain...My dad has kidney cancer has had it for 6 years and has been very fortunate without pain.....until lately  which was the reason for the trip to ER.....some very good things came about from this event though... 1 I had the wrong cell number on moms phone and on file at the hospital,,,,2 mom was down as dads contact name for hospital instead of me.....3the new managers at Mulberry  are now aware that they need to cal me if anything happens with mom and dad .....they did not know that when they arranged for transportation to the hospital...
4 and they too had wrong cell number. Mom had called my home number  and old cell number 3 times . Poor dear,,,  I also now have call forward on my home phone to get her calls to my cell if I am out of the house.
At the end of the day I was thankful that this not so emergent situation had helped me to get everything in order in case there was a real emergency!  I went to sleep that night very thankful...

Then on Boxing Day after a day of sickness my dad did not seem well. I was alone with him and he started to look very ill. He told me he was dying.. I had no idea and thought that the cold he was fighting along with other factors were making this happen . I called the ambulance who told me do not administer anything liquid or otherwise... keep calm they were on their way... I Went down to the dining room got my mom from her table and took her up to dad... He was not well at all....I thought he was dying....he thought he was.......then it hit me Blood Sugar!  I grabbed his Blood sugar test kit and poked his finger... tested the blood 1.9 OMG  now what they had said no fluids etc. I for some reason opened the door to the hall and there stood a home care aid... I asked her if she would give me her opinion and told her what just happened and that I wanted to give dad juice for the low blood sugar and she said yes and started to help me. I grabbed a can of ginger ale and she started to open an orange juice....he was able to drink alot,  The kind lady that had helped me explained her daughter had died at the age of 25 from a blood sugar low and that she was so glad I had opened the door and found her to help me... I was again thankful....The ambulance attendants arrived and reassured me I had done the right thing.... 3.1 was the reading they got....dad was taken to hospital... There were many factors tha led to the low blood sugar and he needed to be hospitalised for care..to get rehydrate him and get his sugars levelled out....he is still in there.....and doing much better... For that decision I am  thankful

I complained on FB about the care my dad received......I want to say at the end of the day it isn't most of the nurses that are at fault!  There were a few I would have canned if I was their boss but Lisa, Inga Courtney and the other good ones you are the best!! Dr. Vanheerden you are wonderful and one helluva handsome dude if I do say so myself....NO really he is..

 I am not sure how the health care system can be mended but it is broken and desperately in need of repair.....We hired Life Force to have care aids sit with him and look after him exactly how we would . I know without them he would not have done as well and we the family would not have slept well....Thank you Ladies. Star, Kim, Sheila and Tillie(whom I never even met and she brought in 2014 with my dad) you were wonderful for my dad and us.(good names too!!)...Thank you to their manger Elizabeth for having someone at the hospital 45 minutes after my initial phone call,,,,,you are an angel....For ALL of you I am thankful

Besides being thankful what did I learn.
I learned that things happen for a reason .....I learned that my mom  is very capable of making good decisions for her and dad. I learned that nurses and Drs work their butts off and that sometimes you need to spend money to get peace of mind..... I learned that siblings need to stick together no matter what when their parents are ill   and I learned than me and my siblings can....and did...... I learned tha my parents live in a place where they are cared about ...and I learned that they like where they live....
I learned that sometimes people can support you and others cannot .....they aren't able to ,,,I learned tha a grouchy nurse can be softened and become friendly if encouraged and appreciated and that some will never budge from their hard nose ways... I learned that strangers can become family and family can be strange (lol) I learned that there still are a lot of good people out there. I also learned that I need to trust myself and the choices I make.and most of all throughput I learned that  I can be strong and effective in times of desperation.... the need to act not react and the desire to have good results requires calmness and planning.

Most importantly I learned that family is love and love is all there really is....if you let go of everything else...that gets in its way

I didn't ask God for much this week ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I however thanked him all of the time
So how can I change my life I have learned simply by being thankful!

 IN 2014 I wish for you love and kindness, good health and wisdom.....and gratitude
Again
I thank you for being in my life

Happy New Year ..

 

Sheila

I just don't give a damn

I will write this blog and spill my thoughts regardless of those that think its a pity trip or others that will  think it's all bull shit!

I feel like crap day in and day out! It is frustrating to wake up and face the day feeling like a bag of shit!
I came to know a young lady recently and it's her I think of when I write this! Sometimes I can be all nicey, nice but right now I just want to say no one gets it NO ONE gets it at all! Bits and pieces of what I put up with maybe but not this whole package I deal with on a daily basis!

The young lady I speak of was in a bad accident years ago ! She doesn't know but I prayed and prayed for that little girl and now she faces life in a wheel chair!  I thought to myself you know I really have nothing to complain about compared to this lady nothing! I contemplated all her hardships all the inconveniences and upsets presented to her on a regular daily basis! How down right selfish of me to think I should feel any sorrow or any strife with my few inadequacies!

 Then Somewhere in the back of my head I heard her ! Ah ***k it. Let it go we all get sick of our own bull shit ! It doesn't matter what form it's in if it seems worse for you than it does for me ***k it!
Let It ALL OUT!

SO I will I am so tired of pretending I am strong or feel good at all I don't ***k it !I hurt I'm dizzy I'm confused and barely feel like myself! I'm sad and I'm angry I can't walk without feeling like I'm falling!

I don't eat this and that or drink this or that so I can feel better well bull shit! Tired of trying massages, acupuncture ,cranial sacral, herbal remedies ,herbs vitamins natural paths reflexologist ,psychics doctor specialists meditation relaxation yoga and all over 30 years
I am sick dammit and ***king sick of it! I've had 24 hour flu for nearly 30 years.
Somedays might be better than others in reality it is when I am stronger and better at hiding it!
I do damn well for what I've been dealt with and I am proud of my many accomplishments .I work on accepting things for how they are and then some times when it hurts too much and it's hard to bear I  just say ***k it!





Tomorrow will be better.

We have had a pile of snow last year???   It is that kind of winter that can take alot of wildlife out.  Grouse , partridges and the song birds that stick around find it impossible to scratch through the snow and ice to get to anything that might remain nutritious. When you live in the city you have no concept of how wildlife struggles to survive the long cold gruelling prairie winters.

I happen to be fortunate enough to be able to assist the deer that live near me.

We are hunters and have a thriving taxidermy business.  Wildlife is what puts the bread and butter on our family's tables. Hunting provides meats to go along with the bread and butter..... We in ways are obligated to look after what we feel is a gift from nature.

THE Saskatchewan Environment Department will tell you different. DO NOT feed the deer!  Leave it to nature !!! The strong will survive and the weak will die...It is all a part of nature...

I beg to differ......What is natural about how our deer have to forage these days?

When I first came to be a hunter I spent alot of time in the field in the fall. Crops would ripen with the sun and it was a good fall if you got your crop off by beginning of October. AS I would walk to my tree stand I could see life everywhere in the field I crossed.If it wasn't harvested the deer were nearby waiting for dusk so they could sneak in and get the last few bites of the nutritional crop before it met the combine. If it had been harvested there would be lots of green , weeds, regrowth whatever for the deer, and other wildlife to munch on.  Life was abundant in the fall of those times.

Now the crops are dessicated by mid August and harvested by the end of August. After the crop comes off the fields they are sprayed to combat weed growth and the other plants take the hit too! The goal to kill any living plant in the field.
BY the time the snow falls the deer that used to live off the fields in what was their "store up" time of year have had to resort to eating in ditches and farmyards. There are slim pickings for our wildlife these days.......

There are many of us that hunt and do taxidermy that feed the deer. I am thankful to all of you that do. I have seen deer so skinny come into our yard in February that they look close to death, They don't eat much but you would be surprised how a cup of feed a day can carry that deer through to spring.  February and March are the hardest months for the deer in a winter like this. Without nutrition all winter they start to weaken.If only branches and dead grass are available  they eat it to fill them selves but there is little nutrition and they start to die.

There isn't a deer in my yard that will die from starvation... Not when they know the food God will show up and spread a little food amongst them.....And then there are the deer that know if they just put their noses to the window they are likely to get a handful of ambrosia apples .  There are alfalfa bales by the barn, lentils in the barn, sunflower seeds in the shed and lots of apples (for now) on the table.

Grief

Grief      Good grief.    Grief!   I never really understood the importance of grieving! I knew it was what I was supposed to do after someone died . Grieve. Feel sad ,grow past ,get over it!
Grief is so much more than that!
I never realized that all losses we experience no matter how slight create an opportunity to kick start the grieving process !  Losing a loved one is an obvious trigger but do we stop and take the time to appreciate the process our body needs to go through?
If we neglect to allow the process all of our losses can add up and build into a huge mass of unresolved grief!
Ever broke a finger nail to find yourself  bawling or maybe cried yourself to pieces at the funeral of some one you " just"knew!
That's your minds ability to reach in when presented with a new loss to bring up unresolved grief  you have yet to process!
I attended a 10 week grief processing group! It has been life changing! To review my life and the many losses I experienced without recognizing them as such has provided me with a new found ability to do just that!
Losses come in many shapes and sizes and its important to recognize them for what they are and to follow through with the task of processing each !
First accept the reality of the loss and its impact on us!
Second let yourself experience the pain of grief!
Third adjust to the new environment/ life that is changed due to the loss has caused!
Lastly to reinvest the energy into life, loosen ties to the loss. And transform the loss into gain/value..
The 11 women that were in this group were some of the most compassionate and caring I have ever met!
I think it's important to connect with those that will be compassionate and understanding through this time!

  So I salute GRIEf.  And my new ability to understand it as well as access it!

Take Good Care!